2 hands 1 cable 1 wakeboard.

its been 3 months since the confrontation. the truth. i have been trying to like other girls. yimin,noelle. but i cant. its just a replacement. something which i dreaded whenever i think of it. the sight of you in school is good enough for me. i need not have you, admire would be good enough. and i hope someone good will come along someday,and shower you with love. i cant help it. i love her. i love wei ling.and i wont deny it. solomon asked me, is that girl u brought along that day your girl? i said no. i still love wei ling. and i walked out of the toilet with his repeating questions, "LEONG wei ling? " i love her and i cant help not to. even when i am with any girls, i would sometimes wonder what it would be like if i were to go out with you someday. and what it would be like if we watched a movie together. but it all seems like a dream to me now. while msging, i can sense the tone. irritated? bored? reply because of the fact that i might get all emotional once more? i am being a reporter, asking u questions and u are just merely replying them. i didnt want it to end this way. why am i thinking of you constantly? why am i blaming myself for not knowing you earlier in the primary school days. why am i being all fucked up by the fact that i have been deceiving myself, i am not hurt whenever yimin or noelle do anything that are supposed to hurt me. armstrong is pissed because i tried to end it with her, meaning to end contact. becasue i feel that i am deceiving myself, deceiving her, that i can get back to my former self. but one things for sure, i cant. i tried it with noelle. but i backed out halfway. and i feel hurt, not for the fact that i loved you, but the fact that i am deceiving her. i guess shes on her way now, ever since i stopped contacting her and after reading my previous post. but i am not. i remember the time when i was afraid of the dark, but this time, darkness is growing inside of me, but you arent there to on the lights. what have i done wrong? issit because i dont believe in god? issit because i despise those who believe in him? fuck him. god = human. if his being revengeful, thats an emotion for a human. fuck the early days people. making a mere human to a god, what a stupid idea and i cant believe people actually followed it, fucking uneducated bitches. sigh. nvm . going to drown myself with music and books