2 hands 1 cable 1 wakeboard.

tmr is the match, and here i am still not resting at 2.30am. i am not playing, but rather, reflecting on myself on my past. my studies arent doing well, and i am trying hard to bring it up. but i cant concentrate in studying for more than an hour without going to the library.
the competition for rugby is coming up, and so is table tennis. they are putting me in doubles with feric, my senior. i respect him alot, more than any other seniors i have known. since psch he have been taking care of me as well as menghan, and have been doing the shit jobs while we benefited from it. hes a level results wasnt that good, he is hardworking, i just dun understand why he didnt score. so here he is, coming back to play for us. and mr goh being selfish for his own ambitions to get into top6 in nationals with me and feric in the team. why cant you play the game with your own capability and not ask players who have graduated or have quitted the team?? theres a reason why i quit. because i dont want to play it anymore. at least, competitively.
rugby is a tiring sport, but its one that builds you, physically and mentally. one must have the confidence to win, one must have the desire to win, the hunger of the ball, the passion for the sport. i hate people who plays for the sake of the name ruggers, i hate it when people play for the sake of playing. " i cant take it, i need to drink water" " i cant train too long, i got outing" what kind of competitive, passionate player would state such thing when season is only a month away? i wonder why these people are in the main team while those who have passion for the sport arent. this is complacency. we should drive these thoughts out. for starters in competitive sports. complacency and arrogance are always in the way.
i walked pass loykee chicken rice today while choosing specs ( apparently my mum disagrees with the specs since its exp. whatever) the memories of the time she just did a soft rebond and was eager to show me her new hair came rushing back to me.it aches, but i have to let go. feelings change in time. even when i held the og bbq, i went to the video shop we used to go, holding hands, laughing as we chose weird shows and try to watch them all in 1 day. i walked into subway at yishun, i couldnt help but thought of the time i had to call my friends to ask wheres the nearest subway since u wanted to eat that and nothing more. while planning on booking the chalet for the year end holidays, the bicycle rentings, the nap on the rock at east coast park, is still fresh in the back of my head. the sunglasses, you chose, i didnt dare to tell you it was broken during the police leadership camp i went a year ago, the guide stepped on it accidentally, i shouted at him, although it wasnt his fault. i was younger than him, everyone was shocked by my sudden outburst, but the glasses werent just glasses. it was the glasses you bought, the glasses you gave. even then, i brought it back, kept it in the cupboard, not forgetting how u used to try it on, with your lovely smile under those shades. i went to coffee bean at KL with the ruggers, it looks the same in westmall, i stoned for a moment, reliving the memories i had when u passed me that card of apology, with the acronym and the never falling cat on the ball figure, its still with me , mentally, for my friend have taken it into custody to prevent anymore of my own disdain when i view it over and over again when it was in my wallet. the last movie we watched, at cwp, the last card you gave, the picture i have. all it is now were just broken memories of the past. i want to remember the good things, just the good things. of you. even though, those messages you sent, were of burning arrows shot towards me, i received it with delight, for you still bother to reply me. this isnt an emotional post. but a post which i am stating what i have done, what i have felt, and what i have let down. i shouldnt this, i shouldnt that, excuses, plenty to find. feelings, none to replace.


am i suppose to be happy? all i ever wanted, it comes with a price.