2 hands 1 cable 1 wakeboard.

rugby was a mess today. drop balls and errors of basic rugby . sigh. i could see coach disappointment in our performance today. he even use himself as an example to crash and even lead the backlines during practice. i feel embarrassed. esp with my drop balls. injured or not, those are still excuses. i want that win, i want the plate champions. action speaks louder than words.

sometimes i feel, i express myself as if nothing is wrong to others, when i am always down, just to prevent the emo + another emo person. putting a strong front, just to be there, as a shoulder to cry on. but why is it always, the shoulder u cried on isnt me ? i see my friends, my close friends, going down. one by one. even called, and cried, but didnt explain. i really dont understand. what are friends for?


why am i always like this? why do i have to suffer once again.


leave.



some times I just felt I could give up


razorblades.



Yeah, Yeah
Walking example of you
Wait for the silence
Talking backwards to you
It meant nothing to me
Watching the world fall on you
I'm keeping my eyes closed
Now I can see what this means to you
It meant nothing to me

[Chorus]
This wasted so many nights and again
I've wasted so much time on a friend
Too young, too proud to understand
So this is the end

Perfect timing for you
You'll run 'til your legs break
So here's my reminder of you
It meant nothing to me

[Chorus]
This wasted so many nights and again
I've wasted so much time on a friend
Too young, too proud to understand
So this is the end...GO!

We should've seen this coming
We should've seen this...
YEAH! YEAH!

[Chorus x2]
This wasted so many nights and again
I've wasted so much time on a friend
Too young, too proud to understand
So this is the end

YEAH! This is the END!



i feel i am lagging behind in studies, physics i am so far behind. way way back.i think i am on par with the J1s now if its in terms of knowledge in physics. slowly catching up chemistry, maths i am lagging behind from regression onwards. sigh. and vectors and complex numbers are the 2 most important chapters. omg. i feel so stressed.


training was slack today, but i am still disappointed with myself with my mistackles and bad plays during acsib match. that earned me the bench warmer title. well, work hard cougars. nyjc is ours. play hard.



for you (:
Whistle For The Choir (((((:



kinda pissed with my gp teacher, wth. i went for class for the first time since theres TCA, and it was postponed. so i sat there, being obedient since both the teacher and i have problems with each other, and the next thing she said was, yeemin, if u dont want to attend my lesson, the door is just over there. WTH? what kinda attitude problem is this? i just walked off.


physics spa was kinda simple. i find it utterly useless in doing skill A when the teachers hint us the question and give us answers straight away. i dont see the point in taking Skill A, its like cheating =.=" but still, its quite hard to write out if the teachers didnt help us.

intensive training starts on tues,weds,thurs. friday match against nyjc. full out guys. show nyjc what we are made off.





have i told you i ache,for you?



my time table today

woke up at 9
went lib at 10.30
studied till 1 before heading home
tuition at 2 to 4
went lib at 5
studied till 9






omg.



we put up a good fight, coach was disappointed with us. i am disappointed with myself. i injured my shin and i didnt play the full match. we did play all out, the game play was messy today, and each player of acsib could run at least 10m before going down. sigh. was talking to coach during/after the match, i could see his disappointment. i know everyone have put in their best effort, guys. dun be disheartened. they arent in our league, yes , they played since young. but dont let this match affect our friday's.we will show NYJC what we are made of. the plates is ours to keep.










and i finally found out. who are BOLSTERS. sigh. i just dont understand. why the vengence?

our scandalous picture at KL during march holidays. miss the times, esp the stress.

ran 200m and 400m today. i have never ever once took part in short distance running before.

i won 2 botak jones from ernest ((:

ACSI. we will play hard.

standing on the edge
discovering fears
deep inside
the swirling abyss lies before me.


beckoning,
taunting,
calling my name.


slowly moving forward,
hanging on with both hands,
my eyes closed.


afraid to slip,
relunctant to see.
a leap of faith
plunging into the unknown.


total release.
a complete surrender.
flying free.
falling fast.
not holding back.



but




will u be there?
to catch me
when i fall?



gonna sleep it off.











pray tmr is a good day.



studied in school till 8pm today. did electrolysis and AC chapter.

been a long day.

parents scolded me for not being as capable as my 2 brothers. screwed up. so what if i have

tuition and all that? how encouraging my parents are.

i am walking through life, without any chapter to be written.



Trust - one in which confidence is placed.



it seems i have none.



ran 1500 and 400 today. omg i cant believe my stamina deproved so much to the extent i couldnt even sprint the last part of the race. sighh. oh well, i sitll qualify for 400 finals.

training wasnt harsh today. played touch.

GP teacher still attitude me. roarrrr






no more tears okay? take care (:








kaishengs triple target:


i shant say the nameeeee

come. qoutes of the day

i throw dinosaur at you ahhh!

poke you den u know ahh!

hahahah. we raped kaisheng

heres the videooo (((:

i think its kinda boring thru video i guess, but if u were there, u will laugh your ass off

well, todays cjc match was a disaster, we won, but its by luck, we were defending all the way, with 2 held ups, which made us win 12 - 5. why cant we win by skills for once?with all the errors and mistakes that are of laughing stock. sigh. i still dont feel the satisfaction with the game play we have.


tired. bbq wasnt so good, not alot of ppl went, but still. it was fun ((:


go cougars. plates champions are for us.

today's a good dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..

i dont know why..

i still feel, highhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

anyways, its the first time i went out with part of the class for games and a late lunch, oh well,
shes still mad at me. as in, she doesnt forgive me i guess, super obvious, nv talk, play bball also like sian sian. i have no comments. but well, its fun going out with the class. pictures upload later.


but my parents, spoilt my day

by scolding me

for cancelling tuition yet again tmr for cjc match.

i have no comments.

cant they respect my sport?

cant they just let me feel supported by them?

i feel burden with this kinda parents.

roarr.

CJC IS OURS TMR


thanks for the garlic bread and lemon plus ((:






Woke up at around a half past 10
Cant believe that I'm late again
Put down about a quart of caffeine
To start my pulse and then
I grab my jeans off the floor
Then I hit the door
Its just the same old same
It goes to show you never know
When everything's about to change

(Chorus:)
Just another day
It started out like any other
Just another girl
Who took my breath away
Then she turned around
She took me down
Just another day that I
Had the best day of my life

Cant say exactly what it was
She's not the usual type
She wore a cowboy hat
With her red Prada boots
And a Gwen Stefani smile
Then she pulled out a pen
And surprised me when
She wrote her number on my hand
Then she was gone
But from now on
I'm gonna be a different man

(Chorus:)
Just another day
It started out like any other
Just another girl
Who took my breath away
Then she turned around
She took me down
Just another day that I
Had the best day of my life

(Bridge:)
I guess it goes to show
You never really know
When everything's about to change

(Chorus x2)
Just another day
It started out like any other
Just another girl
Who took my breath away
Then she turned around
She took me down
Just another day that I
Had the best day of my life

Started out like any other
Had the best day of my life
The best day of my life



















Thanks ((:

for the notes you gave, made my day today.
i will do my best on sat.


skipped every lesson today except GP and 1 hour of maths due to the test.
sigh, gonna fail my maths test.
US programme for me again. sighhh.

my left arm is hurting, and im gonna cut my hair nowww.






Stay with me
You're the one that I need
You make the hardest things
Seem easy

Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Were the sun shines lay
Always keep me close

If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promised you promised that you're done
But i cant tell you from the drugs

Don't let go
Dig a great big hole
Down an endless hole
We'll both go

You're so blind
You cant see me this time
Hope comes from inside
And I feel so low tonight

If only you could see
The stranger next to me
You promised you promised that you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs

I wish you could see
This face in front of me
You'r sorry swear it you're done
But I can't tell you from the drugs

(Ohhhh)
(Ohhhh)

(take me) I need your help
(so far away) To pull me up take the pain
(take me) Out from me
(so far away) Out from me

(Take me) If only you could see (I need your help)
(So far away) The stranger next to me (To pull me up take the pain)
(Take me) You promised you promised that you're done (Out from me)
(So far away) But I can't tell you from the drugs (Out from me)

(Take me) I wish that you could see (I need your help)
(So far away) This face in front of me (To pull me up take the pain)
(Take me) You're sorry you swear it you're done (Out from me)
(So far away) But I can't tell you from the drugs (Out from me)

Keep my heart
somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sun shines low
always keep me close



body aches all over. my left arm seem to be dying out. got stepped and kick on the head. well , thats called rugby. i just dont feel good losing to SA this year, their standard dropped, or maybe they didnt play fullforce. but still, they won us 34: 0. i cant believe it. 0. sighh. we could have scored. could have break thru. but all these, are just could be, could have. they arent realistic, nor were they done by us 4 hours ago during the match. i can feel, the lack of confidence in the backs, the forwards are ok. i hate this lost, gonna fuel this hatred, this anger, to saturdays match. CJC, feel my wrath of my lost today. i will make u all pay. prepare for my breakthru, my foul plays. because u are going to feel it, hard, onto yourselves , that you would regret, stepping on the field, and even wanted to play rugby in the beginning.

cjc, u are mine.


congrats to the bballer girls for winning today. so far, all the cca matches today lost but u girls won ((: keep it up. soccer girls, its okay, its your first match, and its a draw. hockey, 3:1 lost isnt too bad, work harder next time.




GO JJC






I wanna love,
I wanna leave.
I want you to love me,
I want you to leave me.
I want to stand where I can see,
I'm watching you love me,
And I'm watching you leave me now.

I wish i could be,
Somebody else.
I wish i could see,
You and myself.
I wish there was something inside me,
To keep you beside me.
And say,
What you really feel.
You know i need,
Something that's real.
I wish there was something inside me,
To keep you beside me.

I wanna know if i could be,
Someone to turn to,
That could never hurt you.
But i know what you think of me,
You had a breakthrough,
And now i'm just bad news for you.

I wish i could be,
Somebody else.
I wish i could see,
You and myself.
I wish there was something inside me,
To keep you beside me.
And say,
What you really feel.
You know i need,
Something that's real.
I wish there was something inside me,
To keep you beside me.

I should've told you everything.
I never gave you anything.
I should've told you everything.
If i could give you anything,
Then i would tell you everything.

I wish i could be,
Somebody else.
I wish i could see,
You and myself.
I wish there was something inside me,
To keep you beside me.
And say,
What you really feel.
You know i need,
Something that's real.
I wish there was something inside me,
To keep you beside me.

I should've told you everything.
I should've told you everything.
I should've told you everything.



usual day.

got scolded by mr low for skipping lessons
i understood, im to blame

got scolded by ms chiew for no reason
i dont understand, i am not to blame, i am unhappy for that.

i wont be active and all for gp anymore. hate that teacher.

i teared last night while trying to get some slp.

i feel helpless now.

why cant i help my friends when they are in need?

SA match is tomorrow.


top 4 guys.



to a friend:

forgetting one is hard.
moving on is harder
tears flow as always
pull yourself together
for its you who brings the greatest challenge
not him.



unwanted feelings
growing like vines on a great tree
overwhelming
constricting
suffocating.

what seems strong and firm
becomes fragile and weak
its the inner strength that holds
not the outer appearance.

thoughts lingers in my head.
that of what holds in the future,
and what pain i may face.
i dont want to be through that again.
facing death would be much of an easier task for me.

for all i have said or do,
nothing can change
the unwanted feelings you want undone
nothing.

save me from this agony
of life
of love
of hatred
of pain
lift me up
and not pull me down

tell me
why am i in this state?
why am i always like this?



just talked to someone online. i think i am getting emotional

i think all i have done are things out of stupidity.

and i think the final outcome would be of hurt instead of hapiness.

i cant prove myself worthy.

and this bad impression of me,

sticks with me

all these thoughts in my head.

why are they of pessimistic views?

a good start

but

an obvious ending







i think




i should be alone




for now.





You're so blind
You can't see me this time
Hope comes from inside
And I feel so low tonight
Keep my heart
Somewhere drugs don't go
Where the sun shines slow
Always keep me close.



Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me,
they long to be
Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me,
they long to be
Close to you.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me,
they long to be
Close to you.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around.
Just like me,
they long to be
Close to you.
Just like me
(Just like me)
They long to be

Close to you.








woke up late today. sigh. my dad always tell me, if i wanted to wake up early, give him a call and tell him the time. and i did. should have switch on my alarm clock. i will never rely on my dad again.

"oi, yeemin wake up"
my brother said while he walked into the toilet
*check time*

**** !!! ITS 8.20! shit! and i made a big fuss at home, esp at my dad. went for trianing after that. sorry dumbo, i woke up late =/ sorry sorry. training was tiring today. did crashings, backline runs to perfect them for SA game. i want top 4, i wont let the chance slip by, so what if they have more experience than us? i want the top 4 badly.

tried to study in sch, in the end, i did like 3 qns in maths and i couldnt take it. dozed off. study stress. shit man. i really regretted going to a jc. i practically have NO LIFE. literally. omg. no orchard roamings, no outing with friends anymore due to exams. holly shit. i really envy my brother in England now, enjoying his life there. singapore is so suck up to the max

i cant register my NS medical check up. it seriously sucks man, i did try to when they send me the letter, but couldnt due to the date availability, and now, i cant locate my password, and retrieving it takes 4 working days, and its been a week now. suck up website. i rather go down and book my medical check up.



yeemin





is leading a life of uncertainty



training didnt go so well today. i seriously wonder whether if we could win SA with our backline standards. i dont lack confidence, maybe we lack the communications, the skills, the reading of the game. sigh.

work are piling up on my table, i cant even study now even if i wanted to, i am doubting a good A level cert this year


pw grade wasnt good, i got a B, was expecting an A. demoralized, i dont blame any of my members, but blame myself. sorry guys



gonna meet up my sister finally on 20th april, yx bday i think. wish her happy bday on that day ba. a present for her will only go to the salvation army once more. i dont see a point in that anyway. miss you fagg ((: really. been a long time since we talked, we smsed and even meet up!! i think the last time we met was for 200 pound beauty, other than the coincidence meetings at the mrt and all. yeah. looking forward to it. theres a surprise for u too ((:



you are my sugar rush (:


















ss trying to take a pic.











table tennis tournament is over, cant believe it, in 2 mins, the hopes of going top 4 just dashed. i dont wanna blame any players. but i hope you know who yourself. the lead point was great. i cant believe we lost. if it was rugby, i would go for the kill. i am just disappointed, and rather, unhappy with the results, i could see mr goh's dismay. and i didnt bear to even watch menghan play since he was palying with an ex sports school player. sigh. for now, rugby will be the focus.

i am dropping in my studies, maths, physics test up next week. i dun even have the mood to study, let alone, have the strength to study. i hope i am doing the right thing. i dont want to retain. study pls .

this is my secondary 2 video of the last day of class 2F, chin whee and steven the main actors.
enjoy ((:

i miss the past.







i feel like a hero






you are my





heroine.



tired. i am going to die out at this rate. sigh. studies, ccas, and many many more. played with hcjc today, we lost 5:0 i guess, no fighting spirit, no determination to win, but well, their standards are really good, we cant blame them anyway. nyjc tmr. top 4 is ours.

went to simlim with ss today to buy her cam, in the end, we got a different 1 instead. took some pictures, upload them later. we went to little india for a walk just to kill time, its quite different, the place, the culture, the stalls are all different! flowers hanging outside, sweet scented smells instead of B.O, the sweet shop which i went during an excursion when i was p5 was still there, selling the same exact food, at the same price. i bought milk candy ((: my fav since then, it still taste as delicious as ever.


a clash in friendship. a side have to let go

now i know, how far you'd go.



It's too late baby,
there's no turning around
I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud
This is how I do
When I think about you
I never thought that you could break me apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart
You want to get inside
Then you can get in line
But not this time

Cause you caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
I won't try to philosophize
I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes
This is how I feel
And its so surreal
I got a closet filled up to the brim
With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons
And I don't know why
You'd even try
But I won't lie
You caught me off guard
Now I'm running and screaming
I feel like a hero and you are my heroine
Do you know that your love
is the sweetest sin?
And I feel a weakness coming on
Never felt so good to be so wrong
Had my heart on lockdown
And then you turned me around
I'm feeling like a new born child
Every time I get a chance to see you smile
It's not complicated
I was so jaded



not so good day for me, econs test didnt study, and the question was like, super simple? omggg. should have studied. got scolded my ms chiew for stupid things which i really dont know what i have said. i dont understand why she must blow things up, well, they are teachers anyway. i cant do anything about it. rugby match today wasnt that good, we didnt follow the game plan again, and the coach wasnt pleased with individual plays again. i feel like cutting out my throat, it gave me so much problems for table tennis and in rugby. sigh. i dun understand why we are playing like this, i dont even see the "winning" scene against SA and even worse, CJ, we will fight hard. but the point is, we arent following the game plan alot of things on my mind now

what if, table tennis dont do well?
what if, rugby dont do well?
what if, my a levels screw up?

sighh.



save me this agony.



went for training today. i feel grateful to mr goh, for doing so much just for me to play for them, although i am not the best, nor am i very good, he still arrange everything to suit me. thanks once again.

went to the lib after training, couldnt study for nuts, i didnt know why, maybe its the vodka yesterday. i really dont know. i think i am gonna fail econs test tmr. sigh. buck up ym.

i feel stupid today. i lost 7 dollars since my pocket got hole, and the best part, the hole was so big, but my 50cent didnt drop, i cant believe it! damn. and i didnt want to break my note, so i borrowed from every single one who i came across today to buy food, drinks etc. i feel pathetic.

lately, i have been thinking about my secondary school life, i kinda missed it, esp with all my clique and buddies, even if i have to go thru the heart break again, i wouldnt mind. my friends are all i need ((: hope to see u guys soon.

steven - stop being emo for now.
wcw - still the same. zz
matthias - got gf alr forget us =.="
hanif - still the same, but u have a bike now!? lol
fx - same as mata=.=
nerrine - EXTREME MAKE OVER
james - still small boy =.=
hpyo piang - i wanna play soccer soon , but after season ((:
the rest still see them in sch. serenity!



I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don’t want to hear them say
“You’re no good at this”
When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears
Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life
Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I’m meant to be
Melting in your hand
Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see
Cut away
All within me
That won’t bear fruit
Cut away
All within me
Scars make us stronger for life



my schedule today

7am: meet armbrish at marsiling mrt
went back to slp
10am: wake up for tuition
1 pm: watch tv
2pm: went back to slp
7pm: woke up eat
and now, here i am. LOL. i didnt even do shit today. and there is table tennis training tmr, wow. and monday theres econs test, and i still feel tired. sigh. STUDY PLSSSSSSSSSS.


don't let your past destroy what comes tomorrow.



Lately I've been thinking so strangely about the clouds,
and how they seem to slowly fade away,
yeah.
Maybe someday we will find a way to disappear.
Just me and you on silver lining dreams.
Oh, how could I survive without your love,
and the hope you bring?
Oh, even when the sky is falling down,
I know I have you,
and it's all I need.
Lately I've been hoping you can stay with me,
And I could hold you close 'til the end of time,
yeah.
Maybe someday we will grab some change and run away,
but for now I'll learn to say goodbye.



played with YJC and RJC today for table tennis, won yj, but lost rj, was a bloody close game with rj. could have won. sigh.



tired



been a long day, and i contradicting dreams once again. i woke up early today due to a bad dream, dreamt of her with her bf, met her, and i even punched her new bf 3 times in the face. i dont know why i did that in my dreams, and i tried to talk to her, but she broke down and cry and i walked away, tearing. upon waking up, it was 6 am. the dream kept coming back, flashing constantly at the back of my mind. normally the dreams i dreamt of would be gone and i wouldnt remember them. but it seems, this 1 emotionally suffocated me this very morning. i have moved on, its just, the scar is still fresh after healing.

went to school and i didnt feel so good, tired after yday, i felt i gave all out for the match, to the extend that i reached home and fall flat onto bed and went to lalaland. thanks dumb square, for your card and an item for black mailing ((: made my day. went for lectures today, skipped all tutorials and slept at sick bay. ms chew didnt believe me, well, what the heck.

mr goh called me again today, stating that there is a sick player, and if i am able to make it for the tournament tmr as well as the training today. i wasnt informed, i rather not be informed. i feel bad after yesterday's match, i should have followed the ruggers, was laughed at on the bus back home yday, and i took it to my stride, because. it truly is my fault. sigh. i dont even know how good my skills are now, the win yday was because the opponent was seriously lousy. i am lost.





no hope no love no glory, no happy ending



been a long day for me, played table tennis and rushed down to play rugby.won both, but kinda disappointed since i realised my actions are actually somewhat unloyal to rugby. so much things in my mind now, studies, rugby etc. i even dreamt i patch with her last night. haha. what a weird dream it was. tmrs gonna be a super long day which i will not absorb anything during lessons. dead tired today.still, thanks for those who msg me good luck for both matches, weixin, min , dumb dumb etc. i am glad u guys cheered me on even doh some of u dun really know me well. thanks for the many msges, jia you jia you jia you. too much you alr can? i think overload alr. now side effect. feel like a dead log now =/







work hard cougars.we have a season to win

Light breaks through a crack in the shades

Starting off another day,

it all feels the same

She takes in the morning air

A faint smile while she does her hair,

she's unaware

She remarks,

but she never complains

Her big dreams that are never in vain,

never change

Don't let it pull you down

Don't let it burn you out

You're so much stronger than you know

Down here time moves so slow

Life could pass you by and you wouldn't know,

who wouldn't know

Things change,

but they rarely do

You count the days as they barely move,

did what you had to do

if u feel the sudden urge to escape

a fast car and a favourite

runaway

if u feel like u needed to cry

run to this arms

they wont ask why

dry your eyes

Don't let it pull you down

Don't let it burn you out

You're so much stronger than you know

been a long time since i played bball, its quite fun actually, but i couldnt make a shot, the best part was the ball hit right smack in my face when i jumped for rebound. lol. talked to ken about table tennis match tmr, i hope i will not let the team down in tmr's singles, i have let them down in the doubles for being playful in the match. and i hope this decision does not be 1 that i will regret if in any event jj loses in rugby, i will bear that responsibility even though it may not be my fault. nevertheless, good luck for both rugby and table tennis for tmrs match.






the endless story