i caught myself trying to understand the meaning of love. i am confused with issues that seemed trival now. i woke up this morning with a dream that left me with a heartache. a regret for what i have done
a dream whereby, we talked, we laughed, we actually interacted rather than our present situation where even a simple gesture of a wave from you, would just make my day. after all we have been through. after all the misunderstandings,
the pain i have caused, and u have caused on me. we result in cold shoulder treatments, unhappiness, staring at each other with such disdain it pierces.
what happened to the happy ending? what happened to us? or rather, what was wrong with me as it is to you? so many unanswered questions, so many upsetting rumours. and i just cant help it.
sometimes i caught a glimpse of you, when i did, u stared back at me, and looked away. i wonder whats on your mind, how did all these happened so fast in just a few weeks of overseas trip? the dreams bring me back to the day ive lost you.
but at least, i get to talk, i get to see you rather than stealing a look i get to look into your eyes once more and stab myself
for being so blind in the past to not cherish the love u gave that i threw it away even before i had the chance to embrace it with mine.
5:56 PM
won 2nd for interhouse volleyball. super funny la seriously =.=" i can have players from other houses playing for my team and end up winning his own house. played a lil rugby before i realised my hamstring didnt recover in time for just a drop kick. so now its at its worsen state. !#%!#%#
7:38 AM
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
deleted.
you arent even worth to be on my friends list.
childish petty short tempered crazy
princess? i doubt so
8:20 AM
Monday, July 28, 2008
interesting conv with jess
jess: soccer is the worse sport ever,seriously
me: where got, why?
jess: duno,looks lame
me: i find watching soccer is stupid but i dun mind playing
jess: both also stupid lo! kick here kick there
me: den wad is not stupid? den u think play bball bounce here bounce tehre veyr fun ah
jess: ITS THE BEST got stunts
me: soccer also hav wad
jess: BASKETBALL IS THE BEST soccer what stunt the stunt so ugly
me: bball also the stun where got stunt so ugly la pls the ball bounce here bounc there tunr body here and there without the ball i also can do wad
jess: NOOO BASKETBALL IS THE BESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT] NOO
me: PLEASEE IT ISNT BBALL ISNT THE BEST ITS JUST BOUNCING BALLS
8:01 AM
Saturday, July 26, 2008
a sad love story by some korean singer ss intro to me
“Its been awhile” “yeah, been awhile” “have u been well?” “Yeah.”
Why did I fall in love with you? No matter how much time has flown by, I thought you would always be there. But what u chose was a different path,
Why couldn’t I get through to you? The feelings get stronger day and night. The overflowing words Although understood, Will never reach you again
From the day we first met I felt like I’ve known u We melted into each other so naturally We went everywhere together U would always be there with me
We’ve grown up together But what u chose was a different path Why couldn’t I get through to you? Why did I fall in love with you? No matter how much time has flown by I thought you would always be there But I cant go back anymore
This day of special meaning This day u stand with a happy face Beautifully praying to god Beside is someone who isn’t me and being blessed How shall I let that go?
“ I am getting married”
So why? Did I fall in love with you? What we did during those days I cant return to it anymore I’ve thought it over
Why couldn’t I hold onto your hand? No matter how much time has flown by I thought you would always be there Just like we were
Even though u are away from my side Im just praying u’ll be happy for eternity No matter how lonely I may be
“ be happy”
“farewell”
9:01 AM
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I THINK I PULLED MY HAMSTRING
i cant walk properly i cant stand up without feeling pain i cant walk up stairs without feeling the pain too
arghh..
shittttttttt..............
ok, i have been trying to cut down on my vulgarities, which is kinda hard =.=" but well, to kh's counter, which is 9,
uncertainty + - 5
i think its going well. LOL. for the past 2 days.
7:58 AM
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
bad day today.
lost my fullscape ( with my notes) omg. i took the whole day yday to make them. sigh. i did econs paper for the first time, trying to write properly. i hope i do pass this test... went running with elgin and fatty bao today, to je and back to sch. haha. tired now. no mood to do anything. arghh..
nice song! by daughtry,
titled : Used To
You used to talk to me like I was the only one around You used to lean on me The only other choice was falling down You used to walk with me like We had no where we needed to go Nice and slow To no place in particular
We used to have this figured out We used to breathe without a doubt When nights were clear you were the first star that i'd see We used to have this under control We never thought we used to know At least there's you And at least there's me Can we get this back? Can we get this back? To how it used to be
I used to reach for you I got lost along the way I used to listen You always had the just right thing to say I used to follow you Never really cared where we would go Fast or slow To anywhere at all
We used to have this figured out We used to breathe without a doubt The nights were clearer for the first time that I'd see We used to have this under control We never thought we used to know At least there's you And at least there's me Can we get this back? Can we get this back? To how it used to be
I look around me And I want you to be there Cause I miss the things that we shared Look around you It's empty and you're sad Cause you miss the love that we had
You used to talk to me like I was the only one around The only one around
We used to have this figured out We used to breathe without a doubt The nights were clearer for the first time that I'd see We used to have this under control We never thought we used to know At least there's you And at least there's me Can we get this back? Can we get this back? To how it used to be yeah To how it used to be
To how it used to be yeah To how it used to beeeeeeee To how it used to be
4:45 AM
Monday, July 21, 2008
for those who cant see clearly, darrens nick, states
i am doing what a man should do now, dont disturb 1st ok
LOL! if u get wad i mean.LOLOLOL
i am just waiting for study break to come.
GOD SAVE ME. 4 MORE MONTHS TO ENDURE BEFORE FREEDOM
7:35 AM
Saturday, July 19, 2008
went to school for 3 reasons
1) eat sugarcane 2) pluck rambutans 3) study abit.
lol. its been awhile since i ate sugarcane and plucking rambutan =.=" i didnt know our school grew all this kinda shit. lol.
watched hellboy with ken =.= i feel gay. and yeah its nicee.
thanks kh, for your company today. sorry to ps u alone to wait for the bus. haha.
9:27 AM
Thursday, July 17, 2008
went to cmpb today just for some stupid x ray for dental purposes =.=" in the end, i went to queens lib but i couldnt study . gonna fail maths tmr.
dark knight is seriously good. duration and plot is a well done (: thanks for the treat. haha
4:46 AM
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
As a child there were the times I didn't get it but you kept me in line I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes It's something more than saying "I miss you, you know?" But when we talked through All them grown folk things Separation brings You never let me know it You never let it show because You loved me and obviously There's so much more left to say If you were with me today face to face
wa sian. i think i screw up my test =.=" i finished way earlier den the rest, like the supposed 5 hour duration became 2 hours to me =.=" sighhhhhh.lets hope i dun get rejected =.="""""
testimonial was quite fun, i realized, coach analyse us from testimonial, whether we are good enough. before training us. sian. but we had a good match. i lift kin onn fat arse and threw him over . in his face !
a levels. omg
6:28 AM
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
i hope all goes well tmrrr ....
7:08 AM
AIRFORCE AIRFORCE AIRFORCE AIRFORCE
TMR TMR TMR TMR
TESTIMONIAL TESTIMONIAL TESTIMONIAL
TMR TMR TMRR
I AM VEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH VEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH VEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH VEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
EXCITEDDD!!!!
i am glad for u, to have chosen a guy like him. its much better than the other i expected
7:00 AM
Monday, July 14, 2008
have u ever thought why are we studying so hard? is it for the sake of obtaining knowledge? or just for the sake of scoring A levels and forgetting everything we learnt ?
sometimes, i get confused, even with myself. on what i am doing and thinking. my mind plays with me constantly,
was talking to gwen awhile ago, i dont know why, but i felt kinda depressed about certain issues which i shant say. i just feel i lack something, empty inside, i dont understand why.
the past grips hold of me constantly, reminding me of my flaws, my faults my errors my decision that led me to where i am now.
i wonder, what will happen after a levels? i hope i qualify for air force, i know myself that i wont score well for a levels.
im not a bookworm, not studies inclined like my brother. shouldnt have gone jc, should have gone to poly lesser stress lesser problems more of a carefree life with my sec sch friends......
who am i?
5:48 AM
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I AM VERRRRRRRR VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
verrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYY EXCITEDDDD
for testimonial
and compass test (:
to my dreams!
6:42 AM
Friday, July 11, 2008
i dont have an answer, words could not erase it i could try but its so useless in the end they're just excuses. who am i been fooling?
guess i've ran out of chances and u have ran out of reasons to take me back but even she knew my heart's made to only ____ you.
8:24 AM
lost the race =/ we could have done better. well, at least we did our best.
went for physics tuition today. 4 hours non stop because we stayed for j1 class too. and the clerk was like, hey, next week second week ahhh. cannot stay back anymore. wtf? so stingy.
tmr 4 x 400 race. not very confident due to lack of training. will do my best. (:
woke up at sickbay today
ym: eh? where my wallet? hmm i think in my bag 10 min later, ym: i remember i brought it in leh. shit. got ppl steal?
( pick up fone, saw an sms)
kh: haha. i hide your wallet (: have fun finding it
WTF! i didnt even notice her coming in. %$#%*$&%@$^!#$%!#
it was under my bed doh. =.="
7:00 AM
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
rumours spread damn fast. thanks to you (: what a friend you are. i have no comments.
trained for track today before joining the ruggers for training. its been a long time since i played, the body aches i feel now is like the ones when i joined during j1, injuries still stayed from the past season, back problems and pelvis bone ache.
studied only 2 chapters of j1 physics before heading home.
testimonial match on wednesday. (:
7:18 AM
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
ENJOY!
8:00 AM
Sometimes a heart moved just by a small smile Some words that have been spoken out might not be the real intention Sometimes pain can be felt with just a mere eye contact The person who knows you will understand your reason of being hurt A mail without address even though it has alot of letters yet to send. Don't touch the past, a couple who never cried will never understand You said its infatuation Is the word always need to be used ? Who says sincerity is a panorama that cannot be seen in the road? Used my whole life to find a word that moves a heart You are giving the dream that is different from others Actually the most heart moving voice is called
love.
7:39 AM
sometimes, the one u trust cause the most problems in life. rumours came, causing me much difficulty to explain the truth. for other's laugther and fun, i have explanations to settle to others before i could even smile. ha. what a joke.
bao bao tried drawing some pokemon stuffs. took video and pictures. apparently, my bluetooth on my laptop isnt working. screw this junk. haha. will upload them when my comp works.
6:34 AM
Monday, July 07, 2008
Quietness has crossed over to strangeness i sat there, alone quietly looking at morning and sunset Your silhouette, fading away, falling slowly Darkness is already encircling us in the sky where should i face? I can't see Blindly chasing and looking yet i am still empty-handed On a grey and unclear night, in search of sleep to engulf my sadness but Before I know it loneliness is lying beside me Perhaps love is at the other end of a dream unable to survive in the realms of reality......
8:40 AM
went for soccer in the morning. my back hurts as usual. i couldnt really feel my legs after playing 3 matches. and the 3rd match lasted like, 5min before we lost =.=" super sian. studied with ken and company, many thanks to ss for studying with us, although she went cause she felt guilty for ps-ing us on saturday. haha. wanted! tmr xD
moving on, grudually.
5:54 AM
Sunday, July 06, 2008
didnt study today. its been a long day, i stoned, played dota, watched tv and read the book min lent me. a levels. omg.
If voicing my feelings can form sentences If voicing my thoughts can lead to translation If all of this could really happen I would want to conceal my isolation And stay here without any deadline then slowly review the past That tragedy which allowed me to fall in love with you It was your perfect performance I rather weep with a broken heart, and then fervently forget everything Let the crystal teardrops sparkle into memories Into hurtful beauty thoughts flood into my mind Making it so hard for me to jot down my dislike I leave my heart behind to write a journal And a silent movie, The harsh words sounded like words of assault I have no strength left to speak of it again
6:28 AM
Saturday, July 05, 2008
haha. enjoy (: Funny Videos
10:58 PM
Playing an opening theme, looking into the sky I think of the petals trying to fall That day the flower fell The restricted space of the heart Why didnt I see it? That rainy day that disappeared , How I want to be rained upon again Never thought that I still kept my lost courage How I want to ask again will u be here or will you go away? That day the wind blew I tried to hold your hand But unfortunately, the rain kept on falling until I couldn’t see you How much longer until I can be beside you again? Waiting for the day to turn clear, maybe I’ll be a little better then Long ago, a person loved you But unfortunately, the wind kept on blowing, widening the gap so much further So difficult, I have another chance to love again. But it seems that, at the end of the fairy tale you still said,
Goodbye.
9:46 PM
jevon: eh? why the place close? me: wait i call me: huh? the tuition is at orchard? =.="
so we decided to go for the friday, 5.30 session at clementi. omg. not fated to go for tuition i guess. study study study study.
i seriously have no life.
but at least this stops me from thinking alot
You came from the rain of sadness transforming sorrow into a poem and I am now drenched. the melody plays, Where is the sound of zither coming from? It’s hard to predict the present, when the past still lingers. what does the future holds?
7:50 AM
Friday, July 04, 2008
special thanks to kh for her company yday. she came all the way there, to watch 25 seconds of the race before heading back to school. haha. i feel bad
went for training today. less than 1/2 turned up. what kinda team we have. sigh. the usual few came, and the uncommon one " joel" came. LOL. stunned. and he outran me at 1 point. omg. been a long time since we had training. very obvious we werent fit now. haha.
8:16 AM
Thursday, July 03, 2008
i had a wonderful time yday with my sec sch mates. been a long time since i saw them. we went to watch hancock, okay, its a stupid show. the plot wasnt nice, and the trailer showed most of the exciting parts. not recommended for a thrill.
went driving around in ari's car, ate at spize. catched up with stuffs, from chia hong, who came back from Aus, ari and mr GOD. yeah, we headed to GESS at 1am and broke into the school compound, walked around, made some noise and we got stuck due to heavy rain. classic ghost story. stuck there, with toilet lights on with no apparent reason, yeah. we left after the rain subsided and headed to kin onn's house.
There’s a rainstorm in my heart, yet it doesnt affect the dryness of her hair. As tears smudge the words of concern in the postcard I realize sorrow knows no difference in time There’s a rainstorm in my heart yet the raindrops will never reach her The cold wind that passes by the branches in the garden froze the fresh flowers in my hands
9:21 PM
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
incomplete blogskin. making up later
5:47 AM
tmr is my race, and i am not prepared. gonna be like, the last? sian.
the more i didnt want to see you, the more i did. the more i wanted to see you, the more i didnt. god really knows how to play
3:15 AM
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
TODAY I DID SOMETHING I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER DO IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
HERE ARE THE LISTS OF MY FORBIDDEN 1) DATE A YOUNGER GIRL 2) BE A CHRISTIAN 3) WATCH A CHRISTIAN MOVIE
GUESS WHICH VOW I BROKE?
I WATCHED I FREAKING CHRISTIAN MOVIE TODAY. ok la. quite nice la. but 75% of it is about church, the show's called driving lessons. omg. its super boring. i almost puked blood watching that crap. although the story line is good, like, some kid being controlled , end up being free, but THERES NO FREAKING CLIMAX. so yeah. thanks for next week's movie ((((((((: WANTED!
played bishi bashi, to release all the stress i have, it was fun, i realised, selling things on e bay is risky, its like, if sold, u just meet up with the person, pass the things and leave. they didnt even check!wad if its faulty? or spoilt?