2 hands 1 cable 1 wakeboard.

what hurts the most, is when the person u love, doesnt trust you, in your words no matter how u try.

misunderstandings,

misinterpretations.

tell me, friends of mine who reads my blog, do i always hang out with girls in school? or am i with the ruggers at the ruggers table? or with my classmates eating lunch, playing with luke and his cute fren anthony?

i know for now, that there are many people who dislike me in school, what can i say? do u know me well enough? do u know whats going on? just by looking, u think of your own and come out with your theories about me, when you dont even know me, wads with the stereotype? anti rugby club? wads with all the small talks behind the back? why cant u say it in my face? and tell me wads up? i thought i was made of metal, impregnable, so wad if they dislike rugby? i have my teammates to depend on, so what if they dislike me? i have my friends to depend on, so what if people from another clique hates me? i have my clique to depend on. but i found a gliche, im not so strong, when it deals with the person i love.

guys out there reading my blog, u may think i am emotional now, or emo, or being lame, and laugh at this post, but have u ever been deemed guilty for something u didnt do? for example, being with alot of girls during school hours, my whole life is about girls, "act ke lian? " sigh. when it happens to u, u will feel the pain, and the sadness. when all these floods into your face in a matter of seconds. and what hurts most,is in this flood, u have lost the trust in the person u truly love.

i dont want to hide things anymore just for my face, my ego, my pride. i am throwing away all of them now, just to show, that what was said about me, isnt true, and wad i have said or done, was what i have kept promise or tried my best to keep it in tact. i dont msg other girls to start a conversation by smsing, i dont get uptight when some other girl gets sick, i dont get all nervous when i confess to someone whom i love, i dont think so much on how to make some1 smile, and lastly, i think and do, solely from my heart.

everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes, there are some u realised, and others u made without realising it. i have made both mistakes. i couldnt make u trust me, and i made u upset.

as i write this blog, im not shy to say, im pretty upset, and its been the worst so far, tears drop, hearts break, what can i do ? to show that what i have said is true? im me, i know what i have done, i dont lie for the sake of gaining sympathy, i dont lie for the sake of myiself. what i have said to you so far, was all i could say. reasons, excuses or lies if u deemed it. i cant do much if u dont have trust in me.

yes, i understand, i have caused much unhappiness to you, but u have gotta trust me on this. i am not lying when i said, i am only talking to u, i am not bluffing when i said, i miss you. i am not kidding when i said, i love you, i am not boasting when i am not hanging out with other girls in means of flirting or trying to double time or whatsoever. i know, for those who knew me well enough, ken, darren, nevin, zhi hao , kaihui and others, you all know, that in almost every aspect, i can do most in good stride, but when it comes to relationship, i think with my backside. i dont think if the girl would love this and keep doing, all i know is, i act on what i think is right, and its normal to care for that special someone,

i admit, i might not be the best guy in town, nor the best looking, or the buff-est, or the smartest. i cant be perfect, all i can be, is to be human, to be a normal guy, a normal person, who is now broken inside, with the things he didnt do, i understand if there are guys, who doesnt admit to things they did to avoid unhappiness, but i am not one of them. and even if i did something wrong, i wouldnt hide, because i dont like living my life in guilt, i prefer my life free of lies that might taunt me for my actions and ways in life.

think, of the many things i have done, the many things i have said, the many things i could only do to solely one, how is it possible to do so much, for many girls? if all i could see, is just u?

what can i do, to gain your trust?



he met her,she didnt notice
he cared for her, she didnt know
he tried to know her better, she didnt open

suddenly,

she left him, with a card, given by her friend
who walked silently away, as he opens the farewell letter just before sunsets,
on the grandstand.

he heart felt heavy, he was upset, he kept the letters in a drawer, away from sight

she came back, he didnt know what to feel,
he was sad, but he was equally happy
he loved her once more, he cared for her again
forgetting the past, that had hurt him openly
he cooked for her, he bought sweets to cheer her up,
he got her toys, he got her breakfast
he didnt ask for anything in return,
all he wanted,
was that smile of hers.

she was upset, her things were failing on her
he was upset, he couldnt give things that wouldnt fail on her
he decided, he had something to give her, that wouldnt fail her
it was his feelings for her.

he tried to save up for something she dreamt of having,
a disaster to bring breakfast to school,
he wanted her to smile again,
he didnt have anything to hide,
in a leap of trust,
he decided, he lend her his laptop.
she smiled, he was happy
he continued saving, eating home breakfast each day.
taking nothing less,till he hear happily ever after the end.

their first quarrelled,
it became a mess,
it all started from, his habit that is a pest,
he regretted, he vowed never to do it again,
he was upset,
he is losing her again.
he tried to change.

it happened once more.
her upset, her unhappiness.
he didnt know,
he tried to talk, he tried to know.
all he got was, a cry of shame.
she didnt believe his innocence,
she didnt believe his sincere reasons,
he felt lost,
he tried hard to convince her everything isnt true.
his haters, he didnt know this too.
but sad to say, it all went blue.
he sat there, listened the heated argument,
it cooled down, due to the tears he shed by the comp.
he had tried his best. he had exhaust all his hopes,
of trying to win a girls heart.
with all his got.
he sat there, thinking of his deeds and his mistakes.
all he ever wanted was,
to see her smile on her face
but all he ever got her was
a frown that is bitter in taste.
with friends outcry,
and concerns from many.
he sat there.
not listening to any.





sarah connor. what does it take for me to make you see, im not your enemy.

i dont want to fall another moment into your gravity. -52