have u realised, the more pain u have felt, the more u will appreciate and enjoy the trivial happiness and joy in life? be it meeting up with friends, seeing your loved ones or just a simple message of hello?
haha. weird.
well, i had a hell of a day today.
wasted day after 4 hours of queuing for a bloody mc =/
8:04 AM
Monday, April 26, 2010
if only you knew.
9:10 AM
so everyones going into army now. while i slack ard with my 8 to 5 job. lol. cool shits huh? everyone in ocs or sispec are fighting and training their lives out, and here i am, with 15 other people,slacking at cmpb.
well, i shaved woonshin and deyan hair the other day, kinda fun, although it left a big mess of unwanted hair in my toilet, which my mum questions about it. hmmm, i will get it clean,
soon.
N asked me if i enjoyed my life now, since i booked out, or should i say, end work at 5, ability to stay home, change clothes, shower... yeah, u get my point.
technically, yeah. i am kinda happy and glad with this life, slacking, studying once again for a course which has a passing rate of 8%, and of those 8 %, 90% are white horses with parents who are airforce monster ranks of stars and many more. well, i can see how bleak my future as a pilot in airforce is, but hey, theres still that chance, slim or not, im not giving up on that possibility to earn my wings dutifully. but well, i cant bet everything on it, like how i betted on SYFC. haha.
dreams aside, i realised, going home is a joy, seeing my dad, my brother. although his a freaking pain in the ass, being so selfish and all, its good to spend some time with my dad, already hitting 60, i had dinner tgt with him, surprisingly, i was willling to leave the computer. damn.
i realized i toned down abit, on my anger, and also, the willingness to forgive and forget. seeing some of my sec sch foes, i just forget all, and talk normally. they were kinda shocked, but it seemed normal after quite some time, no more grudges, no more anger, although i am kinda pissed off by some dude in afrc, but still, no more anger eruption like my sec school days. haha. well, keeping that up.
and to you, it seems weird, and i know it aint gonna go any further, maybe its my confidence level, well, the past haunts me, so is the pain . this sucks. lol. i just hope all goes well.
hey soul sister.
8:57 AM
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
boring day as usual, well, work( ns = work now ) seems to pass real quick after bringing agc notes to study up on, and i realised, how much stress i will have to handle soon, not to forget the rush of sorties during that short span of 6 weeks, im kinda worried, that i might not be able to pass, well, who isnt? the previous batch, only 4 remains out of the 23 sent over. well, its all about flying aptitude, well, trying my best to read up, and to visual flight once again. but still, i haven seen the actual plane nor flew a plane for about, 2 years ? sigh. damn. worrried. but well, picking up the fone, seems a whole lot of fun. lol. and i realised how slack the palce was, but apparently, the service is still top quality, imagine slackers, but when theres a job, everyone rushes to do? thats how bored we are. thats why we are GOD.. i mean. HENDY DAMN EFFICIENT.
well, to start of, congrats to ronde monde, for the sick 10 - 0 win, good luck with the next few games on sat, and also the finals on wed. lol. can u imagine 10 tries? i was told by jolyn the other time tat 10 is almost impossible, well, the impossible happened, so i guess, with people saying its impossible to pass that air grading, will i be able to? haha. whoo.
i was kinda disappointed recently with this batch of juniors, frankly speaking. it seems kinda bad. not showing respect to us, im fine with it, since there seem to be bad blood. but mocking us and saying we are lousy is a no no for me man. i was caught by surprised when i heard that, kinda shocked about it. well, i shant speak of it more, but to me, coming down for training to help now, seems like my body and mind are reluctant to do so, esp the fact that they werent upset after that lose to MI, i doubt i will be smiling or making jokes, looking at * walking away, upset, disappointed and clearly unhappy with the team, well, that speaks much. whatever happened to bonding man.
7:44 AM
Monday, April 19, 2010
and so, its my first day with my posting. started off badly,
1) woke up late 2) had a stomachache and LUCKILY i made it to the toilet to laosai. 3) 8 freaking hours of boredom.
ok, being an fep trainee is kinda cool, but its too slack a job. all we had to do, was to sit there, and smile, making sure we dont slp, from 8am to 5.30 pm. holly cow, i was bored to death. but nevertheless, it beats oct training. lol. alright. i am kinda tired, very in fact, will update more tmr. to end of, happy bday yongxin! (: chiaos.
9:28 AM
Sunday, April 18, 2010
i have been asked a question today, a very simple, but complicated one. which caught me by surprise, because i was thinking about something along those lines.
it started off with my deep chain of thoughts, and i realised, whenever it comes to love, to someone i truly care,concern, love, cherish and treasure, it always fails, be it being played, mocked, or just by a simple rejection ever since sec school. well, kinda suck dont it? esp the latest, the old wound has healed, but i always wonder,why did i forgive her? why did i put up with all those nonsense when i know it was just to play me out? when shes happily attached to someone she dated while she dated me. kinda cool huh? so why did i threw away my ego, my face, my everything?while people in school could come around telling me, " eh siala, u stalk ppl ah" etc, when it wasnt true. so why?
simply because, i love her.
i loved her.
i have heard of my friends tragedy,
A: wa i just broke up with my gf and she is tgt with a new guy in less den 2 weeks! B: dont sian la, i broke up with my gf during may but she was attached to another guy during feb.
well, i am not pinpointing that girls are entirely bad, guys have their fair share too, and i am not saying i am the holy one, but rather, maybe its just karma, afterall, i have let down my ex, that was the sole reason why she left me.
so the simple question was, why bother loving someone, when you know u will get hurt? when commitment, although it keeps u occupied, could break u down?
through the past few months, i have learnt plenty of stuffs, from church, to friends to family, to even simple gestures from random people. and i realised a flaw in every person, a flaw even i too, realised i have it, which i have been trying to change.
have u wonder, when a person made a bad impression of themselves, for instance, hes a player, or hes a chao keng ass, or hes a bitch etc. and when suddenly, after quite some time, he/she changed, but u are skeptical, because we think we know that person, for what he had done, we looked at hsi past, and from there, we stereotype and assume he would be him, the same old ass/flirt/bitch/ whatever u can name him.
what we are missing is that we are not seeing what he can do, we are not seeing the little things that happened in our lives, that might have changed us.
those people in the past would haunt you, even though u are trying your best to change, and all of a sudden, people will go, i know u, i know who u really are.
but no, i would tell them, you knew me,you knew that person, but u dont know the person that i m trying to become
we learn, from our past mistakes, and from there, we will be a better person.
so have u ever wonder sometimes, when someone, somehow talks about a situation,be it a bad relationship, arguments, etc and it felt as if its dejavu being screamed into your ear alone? haha. when that happens, it usually has more to do with you than that person.
to end off, thanks Y, u made me a better person
and to F, do take care, i know its hard on u, but doing silly things wont get u anywhere.
have a lil faith..
7:03 AM
Saturday, April 17, 2010
great day, match went well, just alil aggressive and stuff. hope the juniors would do well on tues.
todays outing went ok, lol. shutter island is a great movie, u guys should watch it. mindf**Ks u ttm, i got confused after the movie ended, but after much thought, i got the whole picture. a cool show, lol.
M E L T.
with a glance.
9:25 AM
Friday, April 16, 2010
have u ever had this feeling? an overwhelming surge of joy, but crippled by fear? as if u want to fly, but u are bounded by the chains of fear. thats wad i feel, because of my future, and also my capabilities on whetehr i can make it. since 2 years ago, i have always wanted to fly again, to prove myself. and now, given that opportunity, once again, its like a second chance. i just hope i dont fail my medical or interview, i just wanna fly again, aviation is thrilling, accompanied by stress, hardship, mental blocks and so on, flying, is my ambition. and i know, i will try my best to push myself. but all i need now is, an opportunity.
well, my day started off fairly well, i hope, it ends great today (:
1:54 AM
Thursday, April 15, 2010
much to post up recently, but i doubt i have the time to write so much stuff, but well, tioman was a really fun trip, apart from the travelling time, and mr wongs persistent un-wakable-sleeping habbits, everything went by just fine, esp the prank on you wei during the ride home when he told him he got posted to sispec. hahaha!
well, the reason why i wanted to blog today, was due to my point of view with the juniors in the rugby team now. i saw the difference, a very huge one, being thru 3 batches of team, and this being the 4th i have seen so far, it kinda saddens me, when i go to training, hoping to help in some way, but the juniors just ignores, wad happened to the greetings? dont really feel welcomed when i head down to training now, i suddenly realise, how much i looked foward to training when i graduated 2 years ago, going down, helping the backlines with eveyrthing ive got. having fun, bonding. but this year, it seems weird, teaching them leads to mockery to us, so much so that sometimes, i dread going to training unless there's touch. i used to be able to go alone to training and feel good, but well, times have changed,going down training means, standing there, looking at the juniors train, as if we are just a plain plastic sheet, invisible to everyone. i kinda miss our late coach, hes sense of humour, hes joke of the day, hes game plans, hes scoldings. our team during his coaching was based on discipline on the field, notice, ON THE FIELD. he didnt really care about our studies ( maybe thats why we really suck at work back den ) and last but not least, playign with police and drinking the ever cooling bird nest drink.
well, sometimes i feel kinda upsetting, when i know that i could help the juniors, but its just the way it is, i want to, but they just refuse to listen, big headed perhaps? i am not really sure. but well, all the best to the juniors for this years plates. the fixtures and schools this year arent very strong.
had dinner with eunice and her cousin today at the duck rice stall xw introduced to me last year, was driving when i felt a fetish for duck rice, seems kinda weird, walking down that memory lane of mine, the psp games, the dog walking, the fun, the teasing, the roller blading. memories jsut flooded into my head as i took the path i used to walk back home, towards the bus stop, towards her house, back den, i always blame myself for not being that guy she wanted me to be,trying hard to change, and then it dawned to me, that no matter what i do/say/change, i can never be that guy, it was all but a scam, just a dream which i refuse to face the reality. played or not played, i am glad i moved on. well, as those 2 idiots were giggling as we walked around, it was quite funny doh, catching up with eunice and her cous, playing wii and stuff before heading to fetch deyan from his ever boring job. lol, a piece of advice, GO INTERACT WITH THE 2 " PRETTY " GIRLS U WERE MENTIONING ABOUT IN THE CAR MAN. i think they owuldnt mind a cute dude doing so. HAHAHA.
last but not least, i hope my medical pass, although personally, i really think i screwed it up big big time. sigh.
if i said all the things thats weighing on my mind, would it be good this time?
nah... reality sucks some times. haha.
8:54 AM
Monday, April 05, 2010
simple moments, short but sweet, the fleeting time pass by in a glance, and its time for reality to be part of a cherished memory.
random.
been a boring day for me, apart from the hilarious dinner at newyorks with julian,winston and wong. this would be the first and only time we get to see julian full from food, with his tired stare, panting away as he chew the burger. well, apparently, he didnt manage to win the challenge, but well, at least he tried. lol.
pop on thurs, i wonder if i could even march with my ankle. sigh
10:58 AM
Friday, April 02, 2010
a blink of an eye and 20 is just at my doorstep, pretty quick huh? on how much u procrastinate to grow up faster when u were young, so u could watch NC16, M18, to get your driving license, to get away from school and the teachers dominating it, and now, when that stage is finally here, the more u want to turn back time, and relive your teenage years, for they were most joyful period in your life, especially during school.
so guys and girls out there, do treasure your time in school, even if it means handing up your homework/getting caned/ getting scolded/ getting detention/getting cwo etc, because those will be your days of happiness,where life is mostly about, doing well in class and playing sports. so treasure it well (:
i was asked an interesting question today, or should i say yesterday since its pass 12midnight.
well, let me rephrase the question to keep anonymity.
how do u define your social circle? do u constantly keep in contact with them?
and i am quite taken aback by that sudden question, esp from that person, but thinking about it, i began to ponder about that myself, i have been thru pri/sec/jc/army(halfway) and well, cliques come and go,
pri sch - smoked slitereen ( well, we do meet up, but once a year? ) sec sch - serenity ( still meeting up, but not as a group anymore ) jc - AMG + Circle ( maybe its just me not meeting the amg peeps, kinda miss their bullshit talking and jokes)
and then u begin to think about it, will this friendship last? it will, but will it be as close as it used to be? frankly speaking, im not very certain about that. i used to have very close friends, matthias, ken are afew examples, and although i know i can rely on them even until now, we haven been catching up much and from being close brothers to distant strangers, i guess its normal due to all the stress in work and perhaps, army restrictions.
but still, im not satisfied with my answers, any ideas anyone?
and i, want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my lifee.