~1 day closer to As~

Face The Sun.

2011-09-11T09:18:00.001-07:00

■"it was never meant to be" was conveyed.

Different from what had been mentioned.

the crime that time had not forgiven

was fresh in the mind,

unforgotten.

the reaffirmation of our protagonist's fears

shadowed darker than the blackest tars,

and yet,

the dream

was to touch the stars.

as we trod on the lacquered promises,

the aspirations on which the words had trod.

stood on my tell-tale heart again

and conflicts of my worth sank in.

she had a different dream

and it was hard to stand by and watch

as her hands were reaching

for the stars beyond my reach.

the pain was excruciating,

the alternative?

barely liberating.

the familiarity i had initially sought,

found the stars too,

shining bright.

i sought comfort in the choice presented

though i was sure i am mostly deluded.

all alone,

defeated in the dead dark of the night.

i lay

secluded.

what more is there to be said?

the dreams in the past which he cried,

were nothing more than what they were

when they were first conceived there.

in the spaces of the mind

that shouldnt have had.

the toxicity of hope needled in like thread.

the fictitious stars moving further ahead.

what had really been said

in actual fact was,"there might be a chance, please dont be upset.

while it may not have been your first,

the moon is still far from the worst.

the coveted stars wont shine as bright,

when their glow has melded with the night.

the moon

afterall,

reflects the day's light."

with resolve,

i shake my drunken facade.

for self pity helps nobody at all.

while i have been desperately facing the left,

i turn to what i know is right,

though my confidence is far from tall.

face the sun

and follow it.

the moon does afterall,

doesnt it?

something i wrote recently during the night... haha and yes, it wasnt a good night.. went back to camp and had one of the rj dudes to refine my english ( its crap. sigh ) and wala. it looks good.

kinda missed out on blogging lately, due to the hectic life which consist mostly on wakeboarding. gtg! monday blues.

Liverpool or NUS?

2011-06-21T10:01:00.001-07:00

so here i am, still pondering whether i should stay in SG or go abroad for my education. although many have said," GO OVERSEAS LA. SG WTF" but theres afew stuffs thats holding me back...

1) family
2) friends
3) my rugby team
4) food i suppose?

i dun even noe whats holding me back, and i dont know what is this feeling about that i cant explain...hmmmm..

anyway, i injured my left eye... not a good idea since i screwed up much of my work in camp and i cant exercise much... nor can i go overseas for my competition anymore.. sigh.

back from the dead.

2011-06-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

i have been reading a book given as a bday gift from a friend of mine, the last lecture, im sure some of u have read it, if not, watched the video on youtube, but its a very meaningful book. pls grab it if u haven done so!

been learning new things recently, diving is one of them, and its amazingly interesting when u realise u can breathe underwater without the need to go to the surface, and as u lie on your back on the bottom, blowing bubbles up, its as if the swimming pool is above u, an interesting experience, pls do try it if u have time (: cost is about 400 - 500. DONT BE LIKE ME, listen to a friend.. paid 650 for the whole package and a very bad service given.. no camera, equipment's dirty... the company is amazing dive btw.. so listen to my advice? dont learn from them.. its a scam. LOL. for those who are keen, try hooking up with NUS, get some of your friends who are studying there to sign up with u. and there, 400 dollars.. (:

i did the RSAF Openhouse the last weekend, a pretty good exhibition i must say, although there werent much changes, but im sad to say, after looking at the attitude and manners of many singaporeans, im really embarrassed to such extent, i didnt know what to say and i just let out a sigh.

" miss, the queue ends here, u have to queue at the other side"
" WHY WHY? WHY MUST BREAK THE LINE HERE? I DONT CARE! ( she proceeded by squeezing her way through, past my hands, and gave a snort) "

"here u go, thats 1 gift for these 3 coupons"
" er, can have 1 more anot? i queue so long, can laa.. can laaa.. give 1 more can? pls? dont lidat laa"

sigh.. singaporeans.. and that led me to think about how we were brought up,

the new generation nowadays are pretty spoilt and pampered.. judging by how they react to teacher's teachings or coach's way of handling things... parents nowadays complain about how tough school is on their kids, esp teachers.

have u seen a coach who flares on players? i used to play table tennis when i was a kid, and we werent given water breaks until we got a certain technique right and at the end of the day, our parents went, " thats a good coach" but at present? i bet the parent is busy calling the school, demanding an explanation on why this is being forced onto their child.

i realised, the reason why i joined a sport, its neither the glamour nor the working outs to keep myself fit. its because, through these sports, i learn valuable lessons, perserverence, teamwork , hardship , self esteem, confidence and many more i can list endlessly, its through coaches like the one i had in primary school, that i learnt it the hard way.. and even though when i was being reprimanded by my coach in secondary school, i rmbed his words clearly, " u will never beat your brother with this attitude" which sparked me to train harder, and harder, and harder.. until i finally made it to top 8.. it wasnt about how badly u were being criticized about, ultimately, its just there to provoke u, to inspire u to strive on your determination.. and achieve a greater heights.. and with this scam, my coach.. is a master at it.

frankly speaking, i have a friend, named K, an interesting fellow i must say, not to say hes a bad guy or anything, but hes a person who cant take criticism, he would start talking back, scolding, demanding reasons on why, ignore you, start thinking u hate him... but the thing is, if ure doing something badly and no one tells you about it, thats a really bad place u wanna be. because, believe it or not, those people who criticize u are mostly those who care for u and wants you to learn and achieve better. if u make a boo boo, admit to it, and change/improve.. i rmbed most of my boo boos, esp the ACSI match where i gave out at least 20 penalties that i gave away a penalty try.. and i can never forget ws saying, " its ok" and my coach throwing his cap, demanding an explanation on my attitude in the game. that pushed me on, to train harder, and here i am now, trying my best to make a permanent place in a club, and trying my very best to reach nationals, although its still a far off dream, but i never once thought i could play together with my fellow club members now, jammair, farhan, astrul and the many other national players who have taught me valuable lessons on the game called rugby.

last but not least, through sports, i made alot of brothers, although i might not be part of their life right now, nor did i make a significant impact to their secondary/jc years.. but they got me there, right square on the face... where i learnt how to watch my tone, my cockiness and last of all, being there for a brother. i hope everything goes fine for them now, as they walk their life on a different path, im sure as hell that without them, i wouldnt be here right now, typing all this crap. haha! enough with the ranting, off to bed.

ALA BO JIO

2011-05-15T09:12:00.001-07:00

okay.. about 2 months with no updates... so heres 1 for a start...

my life took a huge 180 turn, probably the reason why i dont really update my blog now, contradictions.. haha..
anw, i jus got back from hk... pictures are on facebook.. AWESOME TRIP YOO..

¬REMOVED BASED ON CENSORSHIP¬

i actually typed a hell lot of shit.. but i think.. its better to remove it.. HAHA.. those who wanna view it.. can go to my private blog.. HAHAHA

ok im pretty tired..

MARCH

2011-03-05T20:07:00.000-08:00

2011

well, the year started off pretty awesome, and yeah, what am i saying, ITS STILL..AWE... WAIT FOR IT... SOME..

shit im getting lame as i get older.. its march now. and life's been good so far, apart from my UCAS entry, where 2 unis have already rejected me.. lol.. then again, im glad if all of em rejects my application, so i have a better reason to stay in SG.

had a great night last night with circle + additions. HAHAHA. epic phototaking and all, should have stayed longer since its quite awhile since i have seen lucy and julia ho. haha..

anyway, good luck to the a level peeps, results arent everything. i must say, its all about highest education and stuff like that. although singapore looks into paperwork... well, its about the chance in life too (:

have been dreaming recently,

some were pretty sweet dreams,

while the others are, not nightmares, more of upsetting ones..

lets hope reality wont be a bitch again.

they say some things are too good to be true,

but i just hope they arent talking about u,

i heard that everything must come to an end,

but i just cant imagine....

im still smiling

2011-02-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

well, time passes, and friends leave for overseas studies...

sucks huh?

steven, sharlene.. bon voyage..

u know the feeling when u are gawd damn happy? like seriously damn happy?

yeah.. i know that feeling..

im so gawd damn happy xD

chinese new year

2011-02-01T18:15:00.001-08:00

yup, here it is. chinese new year,

the time where your pocket gets filled up mysteriously with red packets loaded with money.

but, i doubt there will be much cash for me this year.

and i have to say, 2011 has been awesome for me, not much ups and downs as compared to 2010. or is it too early?

went down to jj night yday, i was cheated by winston. bastard sia. alone my asss.... but i had my own fun, running ard with the ruggers and dancing mass dance. wtf? tat was like.. fuddggginggg gay.. surprisingly, i remembered some of the moves. omgosh..

and i think.. im gonna get a dog soon, i think its a sausage dog? DAMNN KWEETT. when i was walking it earlier this morning, a lil negro kid was walking towards me, when she pointed at the dog and screamed," YEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" and ran the opposite direction. LOL. she was damn cute.. seirously..

anw, i just applied to UCAS, although my Personal statement kinda sucks, well, who gives a shit. it was how i felt, and i dont think i should lie and use bombastic words to get the person's attention.

food for thought,

i realised, in most customer's services, they all perform the same way.

1) if theres a complain. u need a scapegoat
2) they will try to appease you, but in the end, u still get shit. its psychological.
3) the work is still not done.

like motorola's customer's service, i went there so often, that i made a friend whos working there. the lady told me " actually, no use 1 la. they just reformat your phone only, in the end still the same thing. but hor, if u go 8 times, they will give u a new handset"

glad that alumni training is getting better, although its pretty obvious, it shouldnt be called COBRA, rather, it should be called, rugby enthusiasts.

most probably leaving SG next year, was wondering, what would happen if i dont sms down, hunting people to come for training, those people, with their big ego, so what if u guys won the plate finals? are u all really good enough? dont make me laugh.

suck it up bitches. 3 more matches to go for div 1 tournament. lots of things to learn from my seniors.

a quick update.

im applying to SIM just to play rugby and reject the application once im done. LOL.

and there i was, with my 5 layered armour
only to crumble at the sight of you.

Match Day

2011-01-16T11:03:00.001-08:00

well, sorry for the late update, but im still up and kicking at 3am, although theres work,physio tmr.

lets say, sat game was a good one, esp when there are no fights, no hostilities, nor were there bad blood. although i did made plenty of mistackles and mispasses. FML. all in all, it was a good game, esp when mr wong, finally shows up, to play,catch,run,burn,sidestep,stride,makefunnyfaises,laugh,frown,scoretry, doing all those mentioned above, in just 1 second. how cool is that? well, thats mr HEH? for u.

regretted showering early tat day, but damn, there was a mahjong game to catch, touch > mahjong? shit. i need to set my priorities right. no wonder i lost 13 dollars. FREAKKK. losermin ftw, esp when i was wearing my neverloseboxers. apparently its called, alwaysloseboxers now. *throw away*

and its good to see circle meeting up again, esp seeing mr wong being so cheerful, not bad eh? although its FREAKING. i mean. FREAKING. irritating sometimes when he starts singing to u, whooops, i mean singing to ur xln. hahah. his epic pictures are all spammed on his facebook. go check it out if u haven seen them,

*disclaimer: you may feel a sudden lost of self confidence and ego after viewing those biceps of his, if u need urgent medical attention, pls visit bulgingmusclesofwong.blogspot.com.*

its been 3weeks since i last exercise, and damn,after sat, my leg feels tight, esp the part where my ligament was torn off. how to say leh? GG. well,theres physio tmr.. and theres my MRI coming up too...hmmmmm

I FREAGGGGGGINGGGG LOST 13 DORRAS OF MAHJONG MONEY AGAINNNN. FML.

love is overrated.

2011-01-12T07:02:00.001-08:00

we all know rejection hurts, no matter how hard u try to make it less painful, trying your best not to let tears fall, but in the end, no matter how hard to try, how much effort u try not to make it so awful, in the end, it leads to more tears,accusations,stress, hurt and the list carries on. in the end, theres bound to have hurt and pain, a simple fact to those who fall in love, to treasure their loved ones, no matter how widely praised love is, unrequited love will never get to shine its former glory.

im sorry.

University

2011-01-12T06:44:00.000-08:00

I FREAKIN... CUT MY HAND WHILE MAKING PINEAPPLE TARTS TODAY.

fml. seriously, i waaas like, scooping the butter, and i thought, shit, later cut my hand how? NVM LAAA.. I SO AWESOME.. and there i go, with a deep cut on my index finger.so much for awesomemin.

anw, pineapple tarts taste awesome, any1 wanna buy? theres no blood, no worries. HAHAHA. nah its free. but in limited quantities per person i gave, wan more must buy. HAHAH. doubt any1 will buy doh, since im damn lazy to make in bulk, and im a such a nice friend.

shit, im praising myself too often. HOW TO SAY LEH.

self entertainment is a bliss =.=

anw, back to the point, while im typing this with my middle finger, (since my index finger is more or less, dead. ) i always wondered, which uni? what course? where? overseas or local?

OVERSEAS.

AEROSPACE / AVIATION.

thats most probably what im gonna do for now, either UK or Aussie.

some of my friends were questioning,

why retain den? cant u just go overseas straight?

yeah thats true, i could have. but i didnt

mainly because i wanted to stay with my friends, to play rugby..to prove im not the dumb one in the family and... last but not least...................... heh.. secret... xD

den again, there are pros and cons with regards to leaving the hometown

no friends
out of comfort zone yada yada...

but i would like a new experience for a change, something new, something where i know i can be independent ( like my dad said, TRAIN THEM LIKE DOGS NIGGER )

and also.......... secret yet again..

If Gods the game that you're playing
Well we must get more aquainted
Because it has to be so lonely to be the only one who's holy
It's just my humble opinion but it's one that i believe in
You don't deserve a point of view
If the only thing you see is you

Circle (:

2011-01-08T10:07:00.001-08:00

well, finally played some touch today! kinda glad that my ankle is healing, although its in quite a bad condition.. BEEN AGES SINCE I TOUCHED A FREAKING BALL. ok sounds wrong, but awesome day..

met circle for a meet up! too bad aunty poi isnt here, so ted was the replacement for u? HAHHA. i was kidding, no harsh feelings...

been a long time since we met up and talk, although, things have changed now, not as epic as before, not as rush as the times we had during our a levels, no more 845pm alarm for sushi at wm >:(

and i realised, im still thinking like her, and i really wanna get myself a grip, to get back to my usual self, the nice ahkow, went to bll house for mj today, and i was surprised he walked us all the way to the mrt, was kinda embarrassed that i dont do that even when the bus stop is just outside my place, and somewhat guilty that i used to do so, or even offer to send my friends home, only to change and be a selfish S.O.A.B. fml, im going to change, for the better. wait up guys.

random?

2011-01-07T10:24:00.000-08:00

the light, shone from orange to grey,

the sudden rain patters down heavily on my umbrella,

my only shield as it shelters the broken red object of mine.

countless of times,

the irony happens,

the trickery of god

mocking the very soul of mortals with deceit,

as he walks the earth,

hearing only the best of him,

but experiences the contradictions of the "lord"

the sun is leaving,

the heavy clouds of the heart clustering,

blocking every path,

every light,

bringing rain,

sending fright.

with strength i hold,

this umbrella of mine,

waiting,

for the storm of emotions to untwine.

had a dream last night, a somewhat pleasant dream, but too bad, in a blink of an eye, i woke up, and realised. damn, it was all but a dream.

an interesting conversation today with the old alexandria hospital nurse.

nurse: ok u see ah, your physio for your leg and back, will be on the 7jan 9am
me: err, 7th jan?
nurse: yeah
me: its 11am alr
nurse: yeah i know
me: its 7th jan today
nurse: oh sorry sorry! hahahahaha..
me: nvm nvm,
nurse: ok i put next monday okay?
me: np, wheres the physio place ah?
nurse: oh its at block L
me: oh, where issit?
nurse: oh its here, " takes map out" its........errmm... oh shit.. where ah? ahyin... where is the sports clinic ahh?

hhahahahah.. wad a funny start for the day...
was happily making pineapple tarts after heading home, not bad, taste awesome as compared to my previous batch. anyone wans? its free actually, i think charging friends is quite stupid since the cost price of pineapple tarts are relatively low. as compared to the selling price, its about, 600% profit... wad the heck? wad a scam...

do not, i repeat, do not expect anything in return for whatever u have done, because, most of the time, u will be left disappointed.

double standards

2011-01-04T05:38:00.000-08:00

i came across certain things in life as i grow up.

since young, i always thought, teachers are impartial, the education, military, government system are all fair.

but as i grow older,i realised, thats not the case, teachers can be bias towards students, officers may or may not like u, which makes a big difference in your life in the SAF.

take for example, in school, teachers tend to look down/give up on the normal technical students, im not stereotyping ALL, but most, even during my primary school days, i could feel the unhappiness in the teacher stepping into the class, trying to rush through the whole lesson without stopping, without helping the slower students, trying to pass that 1 hour of time and leave that dreadful class. and as a playful kid, who wouldnt love that kinda teacher? who doesnt bother about u as u play in class. and surprisingly, the teacher i hated the most, is the teacher i miss and respect the most. the teacher who comes into class, and finishing only a quarter of a lesson in an hour, due to the scolding, the disciplining and last but not least, the encouragement to pull through the PSLE. the extra lessons everyday after school until 5pm. these are the rare breed of teachers, thank you, mdm yazilah.

i guess i sidetrack-ed. lol. on the other hand, there are teachers, who jus come into class and treat some of us like crap, while others like angels, for instance, my JC chinese teacher, always favouring the cheena mamas, the quiet, the hardworking, while even when there are times when the naughty, hyperactive mr limahkow tries to listen, he gets scolded for no reason. HOW TO SAY I ALWAYS GET SCOLDED IN ANY, EVERY SINGLE WAY DURING MY SCHOOLING DAYS LEH?! but i have to say, my life in psch,sec sch, jc, are pretty much awesome.. like.....well.. your mum.

back to the topic, in the army, officers in BMT gets the higher advantage on who to go OCS and who doesnt, for example, lets say, i retained,which i did, and i met a friend who enlisted a year earlier, and he isnt good terms with me? den again, i have seen officers who told OCTs in bmt ( yeah i know, if u wanna know why theres OCTs in bmt, ask me) that all they have to do is clear their high key events, and poof! they are not in the top few percentage, thus, the termination of his contract, something i always hate to do, to tell a friend, that he failed.. den again, if u suck up to your officers, like most people do, ( im not saying names. haha. u shld noe who) even without much leadership skills, hes being chosen to go OCS, judging by some officers i have seen, its amazing to think how one with such caliber could enter OCS. furthermore, in almost every working environment, the testers, especially in the Air Grading Course, are sentient beings, who, ultimately, have the flaw of bias-ness.

so guys, u need to learn afew skills if u are awesomely poor, not literally.

1) suck up
2) public relations.
3) u need neither of the above if u can match woonshins biceps.

im done. lets just say, the past few days during new years eve, i was pretty much wasted from drinking. bad boy eh?

den again, i realised, i have no new year resolutions, what was i doing last.... oh.. right.. i know wad i was doing.. celebrating the holiday mood with Circle, and also.......wishing for something tat wasnt worth my time and effort.. damn. i waas blind. lol

den again, the epicness of building the gay-ess card ever for one of my pals, the epic colour, the epic writings, although the surprise failed due to woonshins lousy excuse tat we got caught while making such awesome present. haha.

anw.

so heres my resolution for now. FOR NOW.

1) train up for half iron man by 2012. ( if im still in sg)
2) play more rugby
3) learn how to mix more drinks
4) learn to be the old me instead of the xw me. ( need any clarifications, ask me
wads this)

5) convince myself its over.

HEAL ANKLE.. HEALLLLLLLLLLL....damn it

after all this time...

海派甜心

2010-12-28T02:26:00.000-08:00

如何讓你遇見我
在這最美麗的時刻
為著，我已在佛前求了500年
求他讓我們結一段塵緣
佛一是把我化做一棵樹
張在你必經的路旁
陽光下，
慎重的
開滿了朵朵都設我的前世的盼望
當你走近，
請你細聽
那顫抖的葉，是我等待的熱情
而當你終於無視的走過
在你身後落了一地的，
朋友啊，那不是花瓣，
是我凋零的心

disappointing day

2010-12-04T07:43:00.000-08:00

the day started off badly,

with the bad weather, training didnt go as planned.

the match against ACSOBA was pretty disappointing, i didnt do as well as i think i could, although i realised, blandon isnt as godly as what i thought he was.. after tackling,stealing balls, crashing with all i could.. i felt upset when i got subbed out even before i could do any damage to anyone..we led them 13 - 12 until the very last min.....where they scored a try.. den again, i felt fuck up, what if i didnt get injured and wasnt subbed out? would that happen? the winger that subbed me missed tackled...leading to the try..den again, its my fault, to not crash properly... and the best part is, injuries.. busted my ankle, its in a pretty bad shape now. trying my best now to tape up and run for the 42km tmr, but who am i kidding? how can a twisted ankle heal in a day? i iced it for afew hours alr, and theres not much effect.. sigh.. another let down..

so much for training.

kinda ironic sometimes dont u think? when the past 2 years of stand chart, i didnt train yet i ran, but this year, when i finally started training up, i am unable to run.. seriously.. wtf is god doing man........ wads with the toying this year?

and for the first time, i felt that we have some standards in the team, the skill, the game plan...we just lack something... just..... just that one missing essential tool. commitment.

fanndly told us something really meaningful after the game, which i think, should be shared with the alumni team, well, i will rephrase it to suit COBRA.

i know we arent a club or a super saiyan team where we have all star players.. but can we just get the alumni team up? i really dont expect much, a training every sat morning, isit too much to ask for? jsut afew hours of your time, its all in your mind and heart, dont always think about yourself, think about the team, think about me,organizing each week, constantly smsing down, every week, about training, sending about 20 smses each time, only to receive 3 replies, wad happened to the 17? is it really hard to come down and train? for those who book out early, is your passion dead? after season? just that fleeting 2 years of playing, u give up on the sport u trained hard on with your brothers? i sincerely missed the trainings we had for each batch, raufs, kens, kin onns, although its a different training regime for each batch, it was a fun experience having to play/train with u guys, but cant we just use, 3 hours per week, to have a fun training/ match with the juniors? think about it, when we were juniors, we always wanted to learn, from the seniors, from the matches we played, but we couldnt, so now, since COBRA is established, can we finally put our alumni team into good use? enjoy rugby, im not asking u guys to play for the club, im just asking u guys to help the juniors, and play the game well, instead of just turning up for the game on the day itself like police, i really hope our team have a set of game plans, rather den just winning by individual skill.. for those who really love rugby, join a club, and play, theres alot of things to learn, an eye opener for me when i joined police this year. so keep your minds open, and ask yourself, can you commit? those 3 hours of training/ match on a sat? for the team, for the juniors.. and help them achieve, not just the plate champs, but top 4. lets achieve something guys.. its not far off, just because we arent a powerhouse doesnt mean we cant beat the shit out of those cocky bastards..

one day, a man was laying on the field, looking at the clouds, interpreting its shape, when he questioned god, "dear lord, how long is a million years?" and god replied, " to my standards, its about a minute."

the man asked again, " how about a million dollars to u lord?"

and he replied, " well, it seems like a penny to me."

after a moment of silence, the man pluck up all his courage and said, " lord, can u give me a penny? "

" in a minute."

haha ok not funny. i saw that in the toilet earlier while peeing.. not bad, i smiled. did u? haha

trying my best,hoping to achieve, but will i? or is it just a fogged dream, dispersing any moment.

ill wear my heart on my sleeve.

2010-12-02T04:07:00.000-08:00

lately i saw one of my friends, becoming slimmer, and fitter, finally obtaining gold for ippt at sispec, however, when i visited his blog... i got a shock of my life... he blogs like a twit, lubs.this this this.. gosh.. shit.. ok im being mean.. but seriously, we are all 20 yr old men.... i cant believe it until i saw it at my friend's place 2 weeks ago.. haha.. damn i had to blog this.. sorry for being an ass. but im halved..

not funny?

ok damn..

anw.

things are going fast pace for me now,

mon wed fri sat rugby

tues thurs gym

sun soccer/ rest..

even forgotten to sms this week's training/touch.. gosh..

alot of things been on my mind lately.... sometimes im confused with things, and i dun evne know how to voice it out apart from talking to some of my close friends.. darn... lol.

watched hello stranger today.. its damn funny and epic.. u guys should catch it soon!

oh oh oh oh oh ohh...

tell tale signs

2010-11-29T05:55:00.000-08:00

what happens when u trust too much? in peoples promises, or their speech? or perhaps too caught up with trusting someone that u dun have any doubt that this person would in the end, change what he/she has said.

maybe its because im too gullible, something i realised, ever since young, my brother used to trick me. even my best friend chin whee, tricked some of my cash while playing black jack by shuffling the ace to the second card.. or playing the P2P game, where i got hacked, countless of times, and eventually give up on that game, only to find the culprit being my brother, just to stop me from playing so he could play.

although all these were in the past, something interesting to look back upon, but eventually u realize, whatever that happened before, might be happening right now.

friends going back on their words,

not keeping promises,

and the list goes on.

and sometimes, it might be due to you being too nice, or too happy go lucky, that they just dont give a damn, like keeping promises, a deal, having your word.

and it happens all the time, for instance, not turning up for a bbq when u said u would, it may seem childish, but as a close friend, the purchase of food, the company, everyone expected u to come, and maybe you dont see the need to, im ok with it. but instead of saying, im on my way and not turning up, u shld have said, sorry man, i wont be coming. its called courtesy. learn it.

and there are other incidents, where a promise was made, and u respected it, only to find out, it was all a lie when 1 month later, u see something else. not discussing that in detail, because if i would, it would be pretty obvious who it is.

so then again, should i or should i not trust promises made? or should i just be as gullible and get laughed at 10 years down the road about how stupid i was, being so naive and trustworthy when people takes advantage of you?

thanks ms chng, for listening out. appreciate your opinions. haha.

Lets Fly.

2010-11-28T07:34:00.000-08:00

Here we go, come with me
There's a world out there that we should see
Take my hand, close your eyes
With you right here, I'm a rocketeer

a good week till now, trainings in police feel so much better as players start to treat u as one of them,that means,its easier to start a game play, easier for communication.

sat's match was kinda epic, almost lost myself there after a concussion on my head, but i realised, im improving, with the tackles, the runnings, the crashings.. the techniques are all pretty much useful.. bbq in the evening wasnt too bad, too much leftovers doh, i forgot, they arent ruggers i guess i need a winston and a nevin.. haha.. the drinking was epic, waterfall,flaming lambo, absthine( 70% alcohol content. imagine that shit) ,submarine, B52 and the lists goes on, learn some new mixtures that day.. and i puked.. and i found out an interesting fact, indians drink really well. lol.

dinner at sunset (:

the ambience was good, just alil pricey, the BBQ combo isnt as good as it states on the web, but the baffalo wings are pretty hot and its only lvl 3, theres until lvl 10, and finally, the challenge, lvl 30 spice.. lol. u ahve to eat 1 lvl 30 wing in 1 hour.. and u will be in the hall of fame.. whooo! perhaps, when poixin comes back, circle.. new destination? hahha. u can see the sunset there too.. ( yeah, thats why its called sunset)

shit, today's sunday. why is it that these 3 days of the week, fri,sat,sun.... seems more like 5mins den a 72hour duration? hmmm....

OFIMA!
(OH FUCK ITS MONDAY AGAIN)

Talking to the moon.

2010-11-26T06:15:00.001-08:00

been a long week,

played my first club match

served my first night duty

made dumplings on my own (even the skin)

and throughout, been working out quite abit.. stand chart is coming up, 1 more week to go, and im barely hitting the 20km mark....i guess, its a walkathon for me after the 21km mark.. lol.

i think uploading the pictures on my dumpling shits would be better on fb... blogger really sucks. LOL.

Speak Now.

2010-11-11T08:21:00.000-08:00

I hear the preacher say,
"Speak now or forever hold your peace,"
There's a silence, there's my last chance,
I stand up with shaking hands,
All eyes on me,
Horrified looks from everyone in the room,
But I'm only lookin' at you,

a very pleasant song, went to work with a jolly mood today, perhaps its because i had an awesome wed? haha. was whistling to this song while at work, but i finally found out the title of the song after it played on the radio at my workplace..

then again, if u saw some1 u love being married off, or being taken away,or getting a new bf suddenly.. would u actually stand up and get the girl back? as cliche as it seems, but will u do it for love? haha. tat guy/girl must have huge BALLS.

got the review today, it seems my back is perfectly normal. however, thye cannot justify whether i can be in aviation sector due to lack of experience and specialty.. shucks.. so after all the work, im back to squareone. soooooo, any1 have an aviation doc to spare? haha

simplicity.

The Sweetness Of Doing Nothing.

2010-11-10T04:42:00.001-08:00

well, the day went by pretty fast, when i really wanted it to end slow,

although there were afew cock ups,

watched eat, pray, love today,

a good movie, but i can say u can just dl it on funshion and watch it without paying, but the storyline is good, i cant write it in words wad was expressed out of film because it was that good, but yeah, in search of a balance in life, sometimes, falling in love upsets the balance, and u will be in a mess. but hey, without love is the reason why we strife for balance in life isnt it? haha. just my point of view.

anw, i got to chat with a holland co-pilot at GWC today, seems to me that getting a license is not a bad idea afterall, but if u are sponsored, it would be better, so i hope SIA will accept me after i ORD from NS, because if i dont, i will need about 12 to 15 years to recop my fees for training, den again, i need to make sure i have a position with a commercial airlines too...

ok im bored. trying to apply for SIA now , according to my boss, SIA higher chance + sponsored training.. heh.

ITS WEDNESDAY

2010-11-09T08:33:00.000-08:00

heh. wednesday...

too shag, but yeah.

good luck to ken on his AGC. i hope he passes.

a random post

2010-11-08T05:51:00.000-08:00

watch this... its pretty touching.. i watched this video a couple of months back when mr wongapong posted it on facebook. den again, it questions me on whether i can love someone that much, or maybe its because the risks involved, the pain, hurt and effort.. or even the backfire which happens sometimes when things go wrong, as some may know of the you-know-who, and then again, i have to thank my CIRCLE of friends for being there, mr sufian was telling the ruggers today that i did well on my 2nd time for a levels, yeah i did.. maybe, but if it werent for those asswipes whom i study with everyday at bb mac, the 9pm rush to wm to get cheapo sushis, the epic stayover sessions of studying where we meet the homeless man and the retarded indian dancing.. those were the days, and those were quite... motivating days to study, well, back to the point. will u risk it? for someone? perhaps to the girl whom already love u, but to the one who doesnt?

den again, to girls who have seen the video, "omg so touching" and wishes a guy like that, but when that guy comes, as long as there isnt any chemistry, no matter how hard that dude try, he is just gonna fail like a nigger.. so i guess, first impression counts, and also, your reputation in sch/society/friends.. and maybe.. looks?

well the cliche phrase goes, theres many fishes out in the sea, but den again, if u think about it, what if that right fish for u, is living in... perhaps...in PARIS?! or maybe, INDIA?! and u are stuck in , lets say, this cool ass small country called singapore? what den? no chance, no hope, no magic, no love... HAHAHA..

and i can now declare myself broke ttm.

current debt

17 - julian
20 - biceps
10 - ken

who am i missing?

but current credit

30 - marc ( the guy who lost to me in mahjong and has been seeking refuge somewhere in tiong)

another video (:

if it has gone wrong once, will there be a second chance?

A NEW SKIN?!

2010-11-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

ok so i changed my blog skin to somewhat less gay as some may have told me =.= well, its pretty neat, so here it is. lol. although its copyrighted by some douche, but its nice and simple.

walked ard little india on deepavali, quite a nice sight and experience, with the epic sour and disgusting original lassi we bought for a dollar, BUTTTT, the smart me told biceps to get a bottle of apple juice and it tasted HEAVENLY. heh.

food for thought,

i watched social network a couple of days back.. and yes.... with a big fuss from my sexy, lovable cliques of friends.. yeah, with my *date* lame... ok anw, back to the point, how do u get rich? as in, filthy rich? perhaps a millionaire, or maybe, a billionaire? we cant just follow social norms like, getting a degree/cert, nor being a doctor/pilot/dentist or whatever cool ass job there is that deserve a WOW.

being rich takes alot of risks, and it also means, being self employed, or rather, an entrepreneur.

dude: so u are in college?
girl: yeah, harvard,doing double majors, u?
dude: nah, im too old for it.
girl: what do u do?
dude: im an entrepreneur.
girl: u are jobless?
dude: u can say that... but, i like to call it, being an entrepreneur.
girl: *rather disgusted*
dude: i created neptunes.
girl: *stunned*

taken from socialnetwork conv between a girl and sean parker.

technically speaking, creating your own job, even if it doesnt exist, might get u rich sometimes, mark zuckerbierg for instance.

so what im trying to say is, follow your dream, creativity, ambition, whatever u call it. and maybe one day, u might make it SHITHOT..

but on the other hand, what if u fail? well, u are left with perhaps... nothing? haha
so its either following the herd of our society, or to be the lone sheep who ventures out seeking for some thrills.......................andgeteatenbyalion.

well, i watched SCC 7s the past few days, quite awesome, but i realised, i suck big time as compared to those people, then again, thinking about it, they are pretty huge ass people.... how do i.......tackle......them down.....if they are charging at me with speed and sheer size? hmmmmmmmm... i guess i will face that dilemma if i ever get to play at their level.. lets hope i can make it up somewhere from here... the keyword is.... hope.. heh.

just an update, i applied for New South Wales in Australia, bachelor in Aviation, concurrently taking a CPL and maybe an ATPL(frozen), wonder if i can get it, but i doubt it will be a problem.. so here i am, going for second best.

the new thrill.

wakeboarding.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

2010-10-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

i read something interesting today, i hope u guys enjoy it. well, doubt much ppl read my blog now, but i guess it would be good that i share this (:

Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent Nanyang Technological Uni NTU convocation ceremony.

This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.
--------ooo000ooo--------

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

-------ooo000ooo--------

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

-------ooo000ooo--------

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

---------ooo000ooo------------

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

-------ooo000ooo--------

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the true worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

-------ooo000ooo--------

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

2010-10-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

i realised i dont update my blog anymore, ok i always say that nowadays.. lol.. but been thinking lately, so i guess updating would be a better option.

heres some fresh news,

i am going to up my pes,

my medical screening to be a pilot again for the rsaf might pass.

so yeah, i seeked 2nd opinion, did quite alot of testings,xrays,injections u name it, i get it.. and its all paid by, my beloved army.. so yeah, lets just hope for the best.. not putting hopes into it, but at least i know im fit for commercial flying (:

come to think of it,

i start pondering about random stuffs, maybe its because i have too much time on my hands as an airforce clerk..

have u ever notice some funny lil things in life?

like why dog food has new improve tasting? but who the hell tests it?

or why the busiest time during peak hours driving is called rush hour when the traffic is the slowest?

sucks..

dne again, i realise, as we grow older, we, yes, obviously tend to mature. but things dont go better from there,

politics comes into place,

arguments comes in,

proper choice of words must be used in case of any form of misudnerstandings..

grudges will be formed instead of the cute * i dun be your friend anymore,( which only matters for the next 10mins) *

and soon, your social circle will shrink,

friends come and go,

and some times, u dont even know when they leave, or when they actually classify u as distant friend, or the friend whom i wont reply that fast, or i wont even reply at all.

and frankly speaking,

im becoming more and more selfish lately,

something im quite ashame of,

because i dont see a point in helping or putting in any effort into people,

which i still hold true.

when your friends only find u when they need help, but when thye are ok, they will just pretend u dont exist.

kinda tired of being a nice guy.

and worse of, being nice isnt a good thing either, u might just get oyurself into deep shit,

so why dont i just be an asswipe, since girls tend to fall for jackasses.. haha.

commitment,

when will it ever come?

i dont see replying an sms being a hard task to do,

fucking irritating. srsly.

2010-10-12T08:50:00.001-07:00

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

2010-09-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

epic weekend for fishing, caught a huge ass squid, even when ken said it was lucky, i caught another one after his comment, hahaha!

ok long time no update, shucks huh? even after the epic fail thingy ( only afew know about it. fml)

so anyway, kelong trip to sibu was fun, although i hooked myself with the biggest ass hook i have in my tool box while trying to throw my handreel line into the sea. fk up huh? imagine this,

getting hooked, hurting like hell, while still in the mood to ask wai ip to video the mini operation by dr chui aka ken tan, as he took pliers and pulled the whole piece of metal out of my finger. couldnt bear to even watch the video until the next day man, and i cant believed i actually let ken pull out that piece of shit. lol!
felt lightheaded after taht shit and i wanted to slp, but i thought about it, why would i wanna waste 138 bucks, and slp at that place?

so i cont fishing instead. LOL. although there was the phobia of the hand reel from then on.

pictures and videos are on facebook i guess, can check it out when wai ip post that video =.= i literally scream like a girl. lol.

maybe its true....

2010-09-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

met with part of circle recently before i left for sibu, had a good talk, been a long time since i went there, and come to think of it, i have been to marine barrage on two occasions, but i must say, the only time i really felt bliss and happiness was with u peeps, pure fun, gay cam whoring etc. and each time i went over, i would stand at the spot we had picnic on, and reminisce the past, the present will soon be the past, and soon it will just be blissful memories, awaiting to be forgotten once again. haven seen poi, deyan and bll for a long, long time..

sibu trip was kinda disapponting for me, first of, bz lied to me that my other friend was coming. tsk. secondly, i didnt manage to catch any biggie, only caught medium size fishes and stuff. bad day for me, but i did enjoy myself, the company was good, although somewhat weird and awkward,theres this eccentric lady who went, from my office, who thought kelong = chalet = nice and comfy. and she went all sianed and upset cause it wasnt up to her expectations, and theres my ex colleague who is pure dumb, kinda like eunice, gundo type. lol. and theres another lady who seems to have problems with virtually everything, chilli, milk, motion sickness, etc etc. so yeah, but at least i spotted a pretty girl there. HAHAH. epic funny when we get to meet her like, afew times while on the way back, damnnn.

so well, normal work again for me.

and never once, i have ever thought my life in ns would be of admin and a lousy private ranking bitch.where did the chiong sua went? the bitter/sweet feeling u get when u and your buddy go through shit? where friendships were fostered, where u will reminisce about the hard times, the turn outs, field camps, missions and live to remember those shits u been through with your pals from the army? haha.fml.

2010-08-31T07:03:00.001-07:00

coming into terms with reality.

so we had our very first COBRA match against police, 28 - 33. a close fight, but even though we didnt play tgt for a long time, and despite the various batches of people, we played well. been a long time since i played contact, pretty enjoyable, although the body aches and epic fatique the following day isnt that good. haha

so my job as a clerk...

8am report
schedule tests for people.
brief people who are here for the tests,
call up bmt ppl to take test
book bus
update scores.

long lunch breaks, before slacking alot as work ends at 5.30. kinda boring and irritating, since i cant file properly, nor can i use excel. but at least i am learning some shit there man. lol.

well, my epic cous is back from germany, i hope she can catch up with her work doh.

ss is back too! every1's coming back but my brother. lol.

any ideas wad course i should take in uni? still pondering...

2010-08-18T08:39:00.000-07:00

i dreamt of a few weird dreams today,

i was driving, and suddenly the truck in front of me flipped, accidents were everywhere. i jammed brake, i was kinda shocked, didnt know wad to do, everywhere around me, cars were flipping, crashing, screams, and suddenly a huge impact...

and i woke up.

cool shit huh.

16 months before i ORD from my clerk shit. but, my workplace ppl are kinda fun and stuff. although the workload FOR NOW, is still minimal, i wonder how i would feel when i take over 2 persons job. im so dead.

at the mean time, been running, doing free weights on my spare time, thinking of joining some other stuffs, i missed MT training, my ankle is still in shit, maybe after the op, i will go back to that once more.

Said at my worst or at my best
Cause both she's seen.

2010-08-09T06:17:00.000-07:00

everyone change in time, some for the better, some for the good.

went out with my sec school clique recently, had alot of fun, running ard sg to try diff food, flyers, barrage etc, reminiscing the sec sch days where we had fun, altough we are now in a 20/21 year old body.

and with the barrage came the fond memories of circle outing, epic picnic, epic camwhore, epic company.

so cobra training is coming up, been setting it up, doing admin and many more. sometimes it pisses me off with the no replies, but im glad the previous sat, we had fun for the last week of touch. hoping the turn ups for the training would be suffice for a team. trying to be optimistic here.

then again, what makes a team?

first, bonding takes place, friendship will be found, brotherhood will be born.

and trust, trusting each other on the field, on the game, at the pitch, with each gameplay.

frankly speaking, i didnt think i would have any problem with that..

i thought wrong.

been playing touch for so long with the same people, and yet, a simple meal couldnt be made. we had to split into 2 groups, and only i knew why. only i.disappointed.

many gestures, talks, and actions. all seems to boil down to one thing. i aint a good organizer, nor a good friend.

so where do i stand?

many of my friends tell me, time after time.

ehh. u got so many friends sia...

but do i?

haha.. do i?

well, perhaps i always screw things up. then again, im human and i can never be perfect.

friends, family and even brothers change, and you have two ways, either accept it, or walk away. well, this is where i leave.

2010-07-31T08:08:00.000-07:00

wow, dead for quite abit huh? shucks,l ol

recently work was boring, but its beginning to get interesting with all the crap in the office, politics, and the new pilot trainees, i felt kinda pissed off osmetimes when i see them slacking, doing everything but reading the notes, making notes, or doing some mental flying, so i decided to teach them, and with my free time going by quickly that way.

and then, the sting happened.

"whoa, so much to learn, eh, u go tamworth ah?"
" how come u ooc?"

pek chek, but well, life is like that, i gave them my notes, that i painstakingly compiled, important gestures, and many others, it was my, wu ling mi ji, and i reluctantly gave it to them, hoping it will help the dude i gave, and suddenly, i realised, every1 photocopied my notes, reading them, asking me for help, although it pleases me, it also gave me a tint of jealousy, for they are gonna embark on something i dreamt so hard for. well, fep 128th, all the best for your AGC.

how do u define love? how do u know that u are in it? sucks when u grow up and realised everything that happened in the past might not be what it is now, karma perhaps? but it shouldnt have lasted this long could it? or is it just me? rah, dont feel like writing anymore, if not there will be a debate once more.

people change, and some change for the better, change for the worse, and some, change for the creepier, and that scares the shit out of me.have u met a person, who told u something, but u know it didnt happen? living in an alternate realityy? hmmm. scary. and weird, well, im speechless, and also. disgusted by some things that have happened.

so here i am, thinking of my future prospect, what should i be? or would i like to be?

bruno mars - just the way you are

her eyes makes the stars look like they arent shining,
her hair falls down perfectly without her trying,
shes so beautiful, and i tell her everyday.
yeah i know, when i compliment her she wont believe me,
and its so sad she dont see what i see,
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say
When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change
Because you're amazing, just the way you are
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are
Her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me
Her laugh, she hates it but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day
Oh you know, I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same
So, don't even bother asking if you look ok
You know I'll say
you're amazing, just the way you are.

2010-07-09T06:55:00.001-07:00

congrats to mr chuan and mr wong for their posting, OCS ftw... good luck bros, pls dont OOC.

well, yet another weekend with no touch due to everyone being so busy. sucks. esp when it will be the last week for them to play touch.

looking on the bright side, im gonna get 2 puppies. as promised from my dad since k2... wad a cool promise huh.

the game... interesting.

2010-07-06T09:27:00.001-07:00

the first happy post perhaps? haha

im not saying this event happened today, im just saying.

went to spca to look for dogs, thanks to gwen, i found my way there. been a long time since i talk to her like hw we did in sch.lol. epic buddy. well, the dogs were cute and everything, but i know they wouldnt be up to my dad's expectation, guess i will wait till sat's pet mover and see if i could grab a pup.

visited ms kim shop, i hope it will sell, but for now, lets hope everything goes well to start up (:

epic gaming with ws dy and renhao, pool was hilarious, theres really a huge jinx on number 11. SERIOUSLY. ws started it, and it dawned to us that every single time we hit the 11 ball, our white ball goes in. 4 consecutive times.. and epic pool skills from mr wong, although its a balance, pool no good dota good. haha. but well, a good day that was.

if only you knew.

2010-07-05T04:47:00.000-07:00

thanks guys. appreciate it.

been exercising lately, more often in fact, just to keep fit, but well, wads the point?

signed my termination contract a week ago, i remembered hw happy i was when i signed my previous contract, sucks ttm.

went down to paya lebar medical centre for my pes review, turned out, im a pes C9 L9 dude, and its not official until august. so much for keeping fit.lol

work's been worst, practically doing nothing until aug?

8am reach work
8.05 breakfast
9.30 go 22nd floor slp
12.30 wake up
1 go for lunch
3 talk abit of stuff/go swimming
5 go home

at least it aint so bad anymore. just looking forward to ord, which is about, 1.5years more?

it sucks when u see someone with a perfect spine, failing the agc course in less than 3 sorties due to airsickness. if it were possible, i would have swapped my spine with his and get my wings. LOL. balls.

tell me something, u think i can have any faith in anything besides myself?

saying this again,

the world wont stop to watch u grieve.

moving on in my next chapter of my life.

2010-06-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

been a long time since i updated my blog, well, technically, its because i have no mood to do so. everything seems dazed to me, and i realised how messed up my life is. and its not just me who feel this way, my other friend just said , teh exact same shit to me 2 days ago. and it sucks man.

i started smoking, clubbing, and almost practically everything i told myself not to do. well, at least i stopped after awhile, but i hope it aint gonna happen again. but then again, my life is still fucked up. in almost every possible way,

i know everyone would say cheer up and get it over with, if it were that simple, i would be glad to do so. but man, this is 1 hell of a depressing shit i am going thru. and all i can do, is smile weakly at my pals, and say i am fine, and help them worry about their problems while mines just hidden in the closet next door.

the past few days were a blur to me, doing nothing but slping, stonning, catching movies and stuff. doing nothing productive, nothing worthy.

fk up.

this is where, depression sets in boys. buckle up.

2010-06-10T02:37:00.001-07:00

life is just unfair. pretty much the way things is. and frankly speaking, i have lost faith in everything. literally,

life is certainly unfair, the humble dudes get caught, while the stuck up, arrogant ones always get through. and yesterday's blow was a harsh and swift one, in just mere 3 secs.

phone rings

me:hello?
sherlyn: yeeminnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
me: bad news huh
sherlyn: yessssssssssssssssssssssss
me: spine?
sherlyn: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

from that point on, everything was a blur, in just a swift 3 secs, im ooc-ed, with a permanent suspension. kinda stunned, with my course ic, who suffered the same fate.

so.. enough of ranting. cant cont crying over split milk,all i felt was that, i am disappointed, in failing something when i haven tried my best in succeeding it. well, SUCK THUMB.

so technically speaking, this year sucks. and my life just suck big time. lol

2010-06-06T06:29:00.000-07:00

well, tmr will be my first day working at AFTC, regimental crap all over once again, heard theres cases of seniors bullying, well, tahts life. esp with the "fake one bar" as woonshin says, its like, that rank is a huge signboard smack on your head that says " please fuck me as hard as u wan" well, i guess thats the life of an oct, but hey, i doubt i will get as much shit as i would have in ocs. haha

well, had a long day today, dota was awesome last night when i played with iron man,flamer chuan and his bro. followed by pizza hut lunch before heading to play pool with kh at bukit timah plaza. woo. long day!

some times i wonder, would i miss singapore when i leave? or would i be glad leaving this place of unhappiness.

define being a good friend, to help a friend in need, or to care for your own reputation?

2010-06-05T20:27:00.001-07:00

i saw this on facebook. lol. to all those ns men (including me)

When these 2 long years are over, no more soldiering for me
When i get my CV clothes on, oh how happy i will be
No more guard duties on sunday, no more friday orderly
When i get back my pink ic, you can celebrate with me

...When the last layout is over, no more NTM for me
When we finally ORD, oh how relak we can be
Sergeant Major cannot F*** me, OC cannot freeze our leave
When these 2 damn years are over, no more soldiering for me

Life post-ord not easy, UNI dont want accept me..
All my friends are working full time, only i got no money..
Every meal has to be paid for, handphone cannot charge for free..
Looks like i am left with no choice, but to go sign on army..

2010-06-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

well, i guess u all are hoping badly, but this will be my first er.. happy post/ HAHAHA. wtf. okay anyway. cohesion day was a fail today. frisbee for 2 hours before i headed over to wakeboard, and i realised, gosh. i am damn lousy. i taught my sir how to wake board alil, and ended up he could complete the whole round, while i am still struggling on my second turn. and wads worse is, i paid $32 while they paid $18, why? because they are first timers. $!^$%%(**&(*& but well, i had fun today. but damn. i will go there again sometime soon, maybe when i get back from agc. wait, i hope that aint soon. touch wood =.=

There are some things in life that don't go the way you want them to or the way you think they should, but you can't dwell on these because you'll miss out on other opportunites. Don't give up something just because you don't think things will work, you won't know unless you give it a try. But don't hold onto something that left a long time ago, because you'll realize some things just aren't meant to be

2010-06-01T03:21:00.001-07:00

i wanna fly, i wanna fly, i wanna fly.

but sometimes, i dont wanna fly.

because there is a very high chance i might fail.

hmmm. contradicting....

damn.... tamworth, here i come.

2010-05-30T07:59:00.000-07:00

gosh. been a long time since i updated, i guess its pretty much because i have nothing to blog, and even when i wanted to, i didnt have the time. to update a few things, my bday went well, although i made sure my bday wasnt spent by celebrating. reason kept a secret. those who wanna know, feel free to ask, but if u aint close, u aint gonna get the answer. haha.

thanks to those who send their well wishes on the dot, esp my long lost sis who still remembers my bday every year with a sweet sms and a phone call. and those who celebrated with me (: appreciate it, u guys made this emo year of mine lively.

got 2 fun stuffs in 2 days,

1) flight simulator
2) a new hp.

alright, cut the crap, back to business.

have u ever wonder, sometimes, peoples' opinion seems so myopic? childish, and sometimes lame? just to hide their ego, their guilty conscience and maybe their are just plain dumb? well, this year started off bad for me, but its picking itself up, and its getting better, but for some of my friends, it isnt really going to well for them, and sadly to say, their misery are mostly due to those people mentioned above.

*the following ranting is not targetting anyone in particular, if u feel offended, den perhaps, u are just plain guilty*

so i have came across afew interesting people in life, some being a bum, some being a lazy fag, some being strong-headed, wanting to do everything by themselves, some with huge ego, some who still thinks like a kid and plenty more. but hey, all these are unique characteristics, without them, how can u differentiate anyone? just learn to accept it, and life would be a whole lot simpler as it is. optimistic eh? haha.

sometimes, i get kinda upset, when people backstabs, or feels unhappy about certain things about me and they just keep it silent to me, but not to others, well, who doesnt get upset man? part and parcel of life, but what if its someone whom u treat as a friend? that kinda suck.

sometimes it happens, and in different occasions, etc the present AGM, it was a good experience, but some parts kinda gotten me.

how do you classify someone you hate? or despise? for me, maybe its gotta do with the character, esp the stuck up ones who thinks money = everything and they can look down on people with low/medium income. but mostly, i wont jump into that conclusion too quickly.

but hating someone who u thinks is trying to be friends with everyone?

what kinda logic is that? if its part of your ego/ guilty conscience in what u have done, dont put that on some reason as lame as this, please. it aint gonna work. people are just going to laugh at you.

isnt it ok to be friendly? to people whom u know? or to their friends? rather than strike a "cool " pose and act as if they are simply air? didnt your parents teach u some social skills to be friendly? brains pls. perhaps, u can start by cheating on your girl. well, i am just saying.

well, that got me flared.

lastly, theres so much misunderstandings, and i guess, its normal, but shouldnt it be clarified? i wonder why it isnt, and left unspoken. its quite obvious.. but i shant say much, whats the use anyway? well, good luck with promos and upcoming matches.

so here i am, gonna do what i have always been doing.

be optimistic. and life will go by fairly well (:

happiness is like a crystal ball, once it break into many pieces, all u can do is pick them up, everyone can, but if u work hard enough, maybe u can have a bigger share.

2010-05-18T03:27:00.000-07:00

i went to tekong today, and i found some stuffs kinda upsetting.

a recruit came up to me and ask,

r:hey, can i sign up for this vocation?
ym: sure. why not?
r: but the encik say cannot
ym: why? why u cannot
r: i dun have n levels
ym: den whats your highest qualifications?
r: sec 3

u can see the embarrassment on his face, and also, him being upset about his background, i asked what happened, and he told me he quarrelled with his principal and thus left school. that was a very bad mistake, really. at this fastpaced life, with uni graduates flowing into the economy like running water, what job can u secure with a sec 3 education? i felt a pint of pity when i looked at him, and i tried to imagine, what if i am him? what should i do? i told my friends today, and he told me, " parents rich can alr wad" but what if it isnt the case? what if his family werent well off? not some CEO of some money factory? what then? what will be his future prospect? i have no idea.

another aspect was on my mind lately, and i realised, my kindness have been taken for granted, so much so that i was pretty upset about it. esp to certain people. i dont expect any return favour, all i ask is at least show some respect and some sensitivity. i realised, there are many people who owes me money, not a biggie, but so far, it accumulated to about $50? i know it isnt a big issue, but when u borrow cash, wouldnt u want to return it asap? rather den borrow so that u dont have to use yours? its quite fuck up sometimes, and i know, as the chinese says, tan qian shang gan qing, yeah. so i didnt pursue the matter, because i feel,

friendship worth more than cash.

since everything is on its downhill side, being optimistic, i have decided, from now, my concentration will be my career. nothing more, nothing less. all the best to me and my flying. fuck the rest!

2010-05-16T05:54:00.000-07:00

well, now that ive got so much free time, i realised i have been thinking quite abit lately, about my decision making, my life, and many others. and soon it was kinda depressing on how i made my decisions. haha. like, my studying etc, and also the way i found flying so god damn interesting. heres how it happened.

syfc came to my school for a talk, and i was slping throughout the whole shit.

zhengbao: eh i wanna join sia
ym: ? join wad
zb: this yfc thing la. can fly plane leh. heh
ym: dun stupid la. fly plane my balls.
zb: eh really really! u see. the brochure.
ym: okok u go sign lor.
zb: dun wan la. i dun wan go alone.
ym: aiya ok la i join with u.

imagine if zb wasnt with me, i wondered if i would ever give rsaf a thought.

and repeating a levels too,i was in school palying rugby with the slip on whether i want to repeat.

ms kim: oh hello
ym: hey
kim: wads that?
ym: er the paper lor, i dnuno should repeat anot sia. dun feel like
*snatches paper and walked away*

ym - *stunned*

and thats how i repeated my j2

if i didnt, i doubt i will ever meet my awesome friends, those who were there for me, when i was down because of xw last year, when i was stressed with a levels, when i lost the plates.

thanks:

xiao long nu
poixin
jolyn
woonshin
deyan

and lastly ba long long.

the studying at bb mac, the movie watching at westmall, the chionging down to shop and save to buy cheap sushi at 8.15 (cheapo ttm) and many others, and soon all these will become memories, and as we grow up, we all know things cant stay the same, people walk in your life, and sometimes they leave, leaving just footsteps that, hey i was here.

circle is gonna miss their member, tan poixin, shes leaving for aus on 20th june, so am i, that kinda suck.

theres off day tmr and i realise, i am gonna have alot of free time once again. =.=

well, to end off, good luck to those still studying for a levels, angela, cougars, ronde monde. studying isnt stressful, life is.

when life give u lemons, u either frown about its sour taste, or make lemonade.

2010-05-13T08:33:00.001-07:00

congrats with my juniors in achieving plate champions today. 5 - 0 scored by god, aka hendy. well played boys.

plenty of stuffs running thru my mind right now, although i had a great day today, having my virgin fish spa, kinda cool experience, although u will hear winston screaming his ass off when a small fish bites him.

well, to start off, what's the definition of maturity? to be grown ups? or something else? something more complicated? sometimes i feel, that being mature brings about a layer of shield, to prevent others from knowing you better, or to show u arent close to that person. for instance, do u pounce on a random dude? or just prod some guy beside u or something? it maybe childish but u do realise that this only happens to friends, most of the time, close ones. in time, u will look back, and u realise, u will only remember the funny parts, for instance, ken poking me and irritating me, nevin dancing on the field like some asswipe, circle posing like some gaylords at the mrt station.

bah.. lazy to type the rest. still, kinda upset over some stuffs. i dun understand why doh. damn. i think i will have to start reading park's bday present to me two years back. * a guide out from depression * HHAHA

2010-05-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

i went for my first flight after 3 long years at syfc, where i got chopped off, well, old memories rushed back, and its kinda sad when the canteen auntie isnt there anymore, hahah. damn.

walking towards teh aircraft, doing checks seems so familiar all of a sudden, with raman as my instructor yday, we started the plane and headed out,

raman: hey, u puked yday ah?
junyan: yeah
raman: ok so today we will try some G manuveurs to make u get used to it
junyan: err...

so yeah, we did a super steep climb, before the instructor closed the throttle, fking 3 longest silent seconds of my life as the ground came rushing down from the cockpit. i was... having fun and also, experiencing those crazy G forces.

and so we did plenty of aerobatics, the worst was that free fall i talked about, and frankly speaking, i question myself, damn. did i sign up for this? LOL. its similiar to a roller coaster, just that, u can prolong the G period, and u can do whatever G manuveurs u wan, and last of all, u are in control of the plane. haha. but well, i told myself. this is it. i have to learn some stuffs from my joy ride.

i looked at how raman did his checks, ( although it kinda suck cause he didnt do it properly) but i did notice his area orientation, the way he looks at his horizon, and climbing and descending. haha, he even cracked afew jokes while junyan started breaking out in sweat.

raman: have u guys been to the moon?
us: no
raman: ok i will bring u there. just to experience how it feels like floating. u see this glove? it will float in awhile

so up we went, to the "moon" and a sudden death drop, causing all of us to be lifted from our seats, with the glove in front of us, "floating"

we did 2.5g turns which causes our arms to feel heavy, but frankly speaking, i had so much fun with raman's joy ride. but junyan had to be grounded due to his airsickness. damn. wad a waste.

headed to marina bay to shop for mother's day stuff, got her a bag, (judith says its nice) so lets hope it is. lol.

treasure the second chance, for it might be your last.

2010-05-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

the weekend went smoothly, touch in the morning on sat, before heading to catch iron man. lol. gustav, but i think ipman is so much better.iron man ended off badly, and the fight scenes arent nice. afterall, its the same concept. give it 3/5? ipman is still as stunning as ever. lol. damn.

well, congrats to the touch ruggers on claiming the champions this year. i just got in time to catch some good plays and tries.

anyone wanna watch toy story. LOL. my childhood show sia. zzz.

i need a parachute to catch me when i fall,
but in any case,
that parachute isnt available afterall.
that bitter taste.

2010-04-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

going downhill... downhill... downhill............... goshh...............

2010-04-28T08:04:00.000-07:00

have u realised, the more pain u have felt, the more u will appreciate and enjoy the trivial happiness and joy in life? be it meeting up with friends, seeing your loved ones or just a simple message of hello?

haha. weird.

well, i had a hell of a day today.

wasted day after 4 hours of queuing for a bloody mc =/

2010-04-26T09:10:00.000-07:00

if only you knew.

2010-04-26T08:57:00.000-07:00

so everyones going into army now. while i slack ard with my 8 to 5 job. lol. cool shits huh? everyone in ocs or sispec are fighting and training their lives out, and here i am, with 15 other people,slacking at cmpb.

well, i shaved woonshin and deyan hair the other day, kinda fun, although it left a big mess of unwanted hair in my toilet, which my mum questions about it. hmmm, i will get it clean,

soon.

N asked me if i enjoyed my life now, since i booked out, or should i say, end work at 5, ability to stay home, change clothes, shower... yeah, u get my point.

technically, yeah. i am kinda happy and glad with this life, slacking, studying once again for a course which has a passing rate of 8%, and of those 8 %, 90% are white horses with parents who are airforce monster ranks of stars and many more. well, i can see how bleak my future as a pilot in airforce is, but hey, theres still that chance, slim or not, im not giving up on that possibility to earn my wings dutifully. but well, i cant bet everything on it, like how i betted on SYFC. haha.

dreams aside, i realised, going home is a joy, seeing my dad, my brother. although his a freaking pain in the ass, being so selfish and all, its good to spend some time with my dad, already hitting 60, i had dinner tgt with him, surprisingly, i was willling to leave the computer. damn.

i realized i toned down abit, on my anger, and also, the willingness to forgive and forget. seeing some of my sec sch foes, i just forget all, and talk normally. they were kinda shocked, but it seemed normal after quite some time, no more grudges, no more anger, although i am kinda pissed off by some dude in afrc, but still, no more anger eruption like my sec school days. haha. well, keeping that up.

and to you, it seems weird, and i know it aint gonna go any further, maybe its my confidence level, well, the past haunts me, so is the pain .
this sucks. lol. i just hope all goes well.

hey soul sister.

2010-04-21T07:44:00.001-07:00

boring day as usual, well, work( ns = work now ) seems to pass real quick after bringing agc notes to study up on, and i realised, how much stress i will have to handle soon, not to forget the rush of sorties during that short span of 6 weeks, im kinda worried, that i might not be able to pass, well, who isnt? the previous batch, only 4 remains out of the 23 sent over. well, its all about flying aptitude, well, trying my best to read up, and to visual flight once again. but still, i haven seen the actual plane nor flew a plane for about, 2 years ? sigh. damn. worrried. but well, picking up the fone, seems a whole lot of fun. lol. and i realised how slack the palce was, but apparently, the service is still top quality, imagine slackers, but when theres a job, everyone rushes to do? thats how bored we are. thats why we are GOD.. i mean. HENDY DAMN EFFICIENT.

well, to start of, congrats to ronde monde, for the sick 10 - 0 win, good luck with the next few games on sat, and also the finals on wed. lol. can u imagine 10 tries? i was told by jolyn the other time tat 10 is almost impossible, well, the impossible happened, so i guess, with people saying its impossible to pass that air grading, will i be able to? haha. whoo.

i was kinda disappointed recently with this batch of juniors, frankly speaking. it seems kinda bad. not showing respect to us, im fine with it, since there seem to be bad blood. but mocking us and saying we are lousy is a no no for me man. i was caught by surprised when i heard that, kinda shocked about it. well, i shant speak of it more, but to me, coming down for training to help now, seems like my body and mind are reluctant to do so, esp the fact that they werent upset after that lose to MI, i doubt i will be smiling or making jokes, looking at * walking away, upset, disappointed and clearly unhappy with the team, well, that speaks much. whatever happened to bonding man.

2010-04-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

and so, its my first day with my posting. started off badly,

1) woke up late
2) had a stomachache and LUCKILY i made it to the toilet to laosai.
3) 8 freaking hours of boredom.

ok, being an fep trainee is kinda cool, but its too slack a job. all we had to do, was to sit there, and smile, making sure we dont slp, from 8am to 5.30 pm. holly cow, i was bored to death. but nevertheless, it beats oct training. lol. alright. i am kinda tired, very in fact, will update more tmr. to end of, happy bday yongxin! (: chiaos.

2010-04-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

i have been asked a question today, a very simple, but complicated one. which caught me by surprise, because i was thinking about something along those lines.

it started off with my deep chain of thoughts, and i realised, whenever it comes to love, to someone i truly care,concern, love, cherish and treasure, it always fails, be it being played, mocked, or just by a simple rejection ever since sec school. well, kinda suck dont it? esp the latest, the old wound has healed, but i always wonder,why did i forgive her? why did i put up with all those nonsense when i know it was just to play me out? when shes happily attached to someone she dated while she dated me. kinda cool huh? so why did i threw away my ego, my face, my everything?while people in school could come around telling me, " eh siala, u stalk ppl ah" etc, when it wasnt true. so why?

simply because, i love her.

i loved her.

i have heard of my friends tragedy,

A: wa i just broke up with my gf and she is tgt with a new guy in less den 2 weeks!
B: dont sian la, i broke up with my gf during may but she was attached to another guy during feb.

well, i am not pinpointing that girls are entirely bad, guys have their fair share too, and i am not saying i am the holy one, but rather, maybe its just karma, afterall, i have let down my ex, that was the sole reason why she left me.

so the simple question was, why bother loving someone, when you know u will get hurt? when commitment, although it keeps u occupied, could break u down?

through the past few months, i have learnt plenty of stuffs, from church, to friends to family, to even simple gestures from random people. and i realised a flaw in every person, a flaw even i too, realised i have it, which i have been trying to change.

have u wonder, when a person made a bad impression of themselves, for instance, hes a player, or hes a chao keng ass, or hes a bitch etc. and when suddenly, after quite some time, he/she changed, but u are skeptical, because we think we know that person, for what he had done, we looked at hsi past, and from there, we stereotype and assume he would be him, the same old ass/flirt/bitch/ whatever u can name him.

what we are missing is that we are not seeing what he can do, we are not seeing the little things that happened in our lives, that might have changed us.

those people in the past would haunt you, even though u are trying your best to change, and all of a sudden, people will go, i know u, i know who u really are.

but no, i would tell them, you knew me,you knew that person, but u dont know the person that i m trying to become

we learn, from our past mistakes, and from there, we will be a better person.

so have u ever wonder sometimes, when someone, somehow talks about a situation,be it a bad relationship, arguments, etc and it felt as if its dejavu being screamed into your ear alone? haha. when that happens, it usually has more to do with you than that person.

to end off, thanks Y, u made me a better person

and to F, do take care, i know its hard on u, but doing silly things wont get u anywhere.

have a lil faith..

2010-04-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

great day, match went well, just alil aggressive and stuff. hope the juniors would do well on tues.

todays outing went ok, lol. shutter island is a great movie, u guys should watch it. mindf**Ks u ttm, i got confused after the movie ended, but after much thought, i got the whole picture. a cool show, lol.

M
E
L
T.

with a glance.

2010-04-16T01:54:00.000-07:00

have u ever had this feeling? an overwhelming surge of joy, but crippled by fear? as if u want to fly, but u are bounded by the chains of fear. thats wad i feel, because of my future, and also my capabilities on whetehr i can make it. since 2 years ago, i have always wanted to fly again, to prove myself. and now, given that opportunity, once again, its like a second chance. i just hope i dont fail my medical or interview, i just wanna fly again, aviation is thrilling, accompanied by stress, hardship, mental blocks and so on, flying, is my ambition. and i know, i will try my best to push myself. but all i need now is, an opportunity.

well, my day started off fairly well, i hope, it ends great today (:

2010-04-15T08:54:00.001-07:00

much to post up recently, but i doubt i have the time to write so much stuff, but well, tioman was a really fun trip, apart from the travelling time, and mr wongs persistent un-wakable-sleeping habbits, everything went by just fine, esp the prank on you wei during the ride home when he told him he got posted to sispec. hahaha!

well, the reason why i wanted to blog today, was due to my point of view with the juniors in the rugby team now. i saw the difference, a very huge one, being thru 3 batches of team, and this being the 4th i have seen so far, it kinda saddens me, when i go to training, hoping to help in some way, but the juniors just ignores, wad happened to the greetings? dont really feel welcomed when i head down to training now, i suddenly realise, how much i looked foward to training when i graduated 2 years ago, going down, helping the backlines with eveyrthing ive got. having fun, bonding. but this year, it seems weird, teaching them leads to mockery to us, so much so that sometimes, i dread going to training unless there's touch. i used to be able to go alone to training and feel good, but well, times have changed,going down training means, standing there, looking at the juniors train, as if we are just a plain plastic sheet, invisible to everyone. i kinda miss our late coach, hes sense of humour, hes joke of the day, hes game plans, hes scoldings. our team during his coaching was based on discipline on the field, notice, ON THE FIELD. he didnt really care about our studies ( maybe thats why we really suck at work back den ) and last but not least, playign with police and drinking the ever cooling bird nest drink.

well, sometimes i feel kinda upsetting, when i know that i could help the juniors, but its just the way it is, i want to, but they just refuse to listen, big headed perhaps? i am not really sure. but well, all the best to the juniors for this years plates. the fixtures and schools this year arent very strong.

had dinner with eunice and her cousin today at the duck rice stall xw introduced to me last year, was driving when i felt a fetish for duck rice, seems kinda weird, walking down that memory lane of mine, the psp games, the dog walking, the fun, the teasing, the roller blading. memories jsut flooded into my head as i took the path i used to walk back home, towards the bus stop, towards her house, back den, i always blame myself for not being that guy she wanted me to be,trying hard to change, and then it dawned to me, that no matter what i do/say/change, i can never be that guy, it was all but a scam, just a dream which i refuse to face the reality. played or not played, i am glad i moved on. well, as those 2 idiots were giggling as we walked around, it was quite funny doh, catching up with eunice and her cous, playing wii and stuff before heading to fetch deyan from his ever boring job. lol, a piece of advice, GO INTERACT WITH THE 2 " PRETTY " GIRLS U WERE MENTIONING ABOUT IN THE CAR MAN. i think they owuldnt mind a cute dude doing so. HAHAHA.

last but not least, i hope my medical pass, although personally, i really think i screwed it up big big time. sigh.

if i said all the things thats weighing on my mind,
would it be good this time?

nah...
reality sucks some times. haha.

2010-04-05T10:58:00.000-07:00

simple moments,
short but sweet,
the fleeting time pass by in a glance,
and its time for reality to be part of a cherished memory.

random.

been a boring day for me, apart from the hilarious dinner at newyorks with julian,winston and wong. this would be the first and only time we get to see julian full from food, with his tired stare, panting away as he chew the burger. well, apparently, he didnt manage to win the challenge, but well, at least he tried. lol.

pop on thurs, i wonder if i could even march with my ankle. sigh

2010-04-02T10:33:00.000-07:00

a blink of an eye and 20 is just at my doorstep, pretty quick huh? on how much u procrastinate to grow up faster when u were young, so u could watch NC16, M18, to get your driving license, to get away from school and the teachers dominating it, and now, when that stage is finally here, the more u want to turn back time, and relive your teenage years, for they were most joyful period in your life, especially during school.

so guys and girls out there, do treasure your time in school, even if it means handing up your homework/getting caned/ getting scolded/ getting detention/getting cwo etc, because those will be your days of happiness,where life is mostly about, doing well in class and playing sports. so treasure it well (:

i was asked an interesting question today, or should i say yesterday since its pass 12midnight.

well, let me rephrase the question to keep anonymity.

how do u define your social circle? do u constantly keep in contact with them?

and i am quite taken aback by that sudden question, esp from that person, but thinking about it, i began to ponder about that myself, i have been thru pri/sec/jc/army(halfway) and well, cliques come and go,

pri sch - smoked slitereen ( well, we do meet up, but once a year? )
sec sch - serenity ( still meeting up, but not as a group anymore )
jc - AMG + Circle ( maybe its just me not meeting the amg peeps, kinda miss their bullshit talking and jokes)

and then u begin to think about it, will this friendship last? it will, but will it be as close as it used to be? frankly speaking, im not very certain about that. i used to have very close friends, matthias, ken are afew examples, and although i know i can rely on them even until now, we haven been catching up much and from being close brothers to distant strangers, i guess its normal due to all the stress in work and perhaps, army restrictions.

but still, im not satisfied with my answers, any ideas anyone?

and i, want to thank you, for giving me the best day of my lifee.

dido- thank you.

2010-03-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

kinda funny, i went to my dashboard,and i saw 3 profiles, and one of them had the heading, a day closer to As, i think i should change it to 1 day closer to ORD. hahah. ok not funny.

well, people out there. what is forgiveness? is there a clear definition to that? sometimes i wonder, how can u forgive, or forget, things that happened, bad things, unhappy moments, unwanted memories, unjustified feelings and many more. but sometimes, you do, not because u want to, but it just happens, mostly due to the love for that someone, even when she/he had crushed your heart so badly, and u still can let that go and see if shes ok with his/her life even when that special someone that lights up his/her life isnt you, but well, life is like that. u just happen to forgive them, even when they gave u shit, talk behind your back, laugh at your crap,break your heart, u just forgive them, because u know , theres no point making a big fuss out of it,what happened had already happened. no one gains, all u need to know is, u just have to be more careful around these people. you never know when they can do another stunt they did back then. let bygones be bygones, forgive, but not forget .

well, apparently, bmt is going to be over for me, 24km route march left, next week is kinda slack, oc evening, platoon evening and company evening. i think i am going to gain back my weight. shit. no more dreams of 8 pacs.

on a lighter note, went to play rugby today, although we played touch, i realised, my fitness for games, now like shit. too much running for endurance and speed, but no stamina for sudden bursts or restart plays in rugby. damn. but well, red tshirt rocks right WS and DY? freak that. sua la. thats wad bros are for, use and abuse. lol. and so much for haagen daaz icecream at julian house, i didnt noe haagen daaz starts with an N and ends with an E. wts.

thinking ahead, i wonder if i could actually do something about some stuffs, for those who understand, good. because, thinking ahead, it might not work out.

1) if i get posted to OCS, book out rate is more or less, 0?
2) if i get into airforce, i will be in aus? GG¬

so the last option is, CHAO KENG. pes C 9, 8 to 5 job, become clerk or driverrrrr..haha. lame.. i was talking to jie en the other day about this issue, and something similar to it about a year back with xw, maybe i am dumb, but if thats wad it takes, i would do it. but well, i doubt that opportunity will come, because that situation, as far as i can say, will never happen.

i miss watching rugby
i miss playing rugby,
i miss waking up late on bed and still lay there and think of what to do next
and, i miss you

2010-03-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

what is love? and what will you do for that special someone? be it your family, friends or that special someone. have you ever thought about this aspect before? be it sacrificial, to forgive or even to apologize not because you are wrong, but its because you are willing to let go of your ego, and placing your love one first. have someone ever made u feel like changing for the better? to be a better man.

well, there are many instances, and perhaps it happened before in your life, even though sometimes it hurts when u do it, or when it goes unappreciated. looking back, sometimes, all i could say was, " well i tried my best" or perhaps, i did my best. for those who are close to me, all would know, the unhappiness and stress i had last year,thanks to most of my friends, circle and kaihui esp,i made it thru.

and that brings about another point, should we be independent? keeping thoughts to yourself, be it happy or gloomy ones, instead of sharing them with your friends and ask for opinions? i realised i myself, is quite dependent on my friends, even though i am fairly sociable, i have a clique of friends, whom i regard as close, although this clique of friends are small, but i know for myself, that they can be trusted with whatever there is i have to tell them. being too independent would be kinda sad dont you think? everyone wants to have someone to depend on, vice versa, it is pleasant to know that there are people who depends on you too, and u slowly u realise, you depend on them too. wouldnt you feel better this way? that u know, whenever u encounter any difficulties, any obstacles in life, there are people around you, who would help you, encourage you. family, friends, buddies, brothers and sometimes, those u despise may just change your impression of them due to that kind gesture of theirs.

but then again, this opens up opportunities of betrayal and backstabs, and sometimes, that doesnt feel too good. there are many ways it could happen, for instance,

stealing your best friends girlfriend. thats fuck up, seriously. leaving a permanent scar right smack there, on your heart.

writing against your buddy but act and pretend nothing happen and still be your "friend"

having a fork tongue.

and many more. for starters, isnt friendship base on trust? like most of my clique says,

its all about trust. qouted by mr biceps wong aka maosanwong aka sunrise aka wongapong.

touch your heart, and ask yourself all these. and maybe u will find your answer.

i left my head and heart on the dancefloor.

2010-03-19T18:36:00.000-07:00

well, have u ever wondered when your friends just turned out to be such an ass when they are given some power? well, i experienced that first hand. so what if u are a sergeant, does that mean our friendship doesnt exist just because we are in army? did your ego just exploded out from your shell just because u enlist earlier than me and is now a sergeant? im utterly disgusted when i realised how fuck up this is, wouldnt friends be happy to see each other during army? at least some do, but not all. fancy this, each time i see that mofo, he either scold me for no reason, or just scold me cause i want to talk to him about stuffs. i mean, dude, arent we friends? just because u are given some power doesnt mean u should and must abuse it, especially to your friends who stills considers u like one.

and that brings about another point, how do u really define friends? especially in army, u can have someoone, being "actively" trying to help u, being close to u, but backstabs u in the end just to increase their chances to OCS, dude, cmon. you know it yourself, if u cant make it. accept the fact and move on. whats the point in pulling people down into your sad life? my buddy is one of them which i am sad to say, utterly disappointed at his actions. i have nothing to say about him, but maybe 2 words? fuck you? lol. well, i couldnt stand his "acting" after backstabbing me, it was like, WTF? " err. are u ok? " " waaaaaaaa. airforce lehhhhhhhh" " eh eh. i help u keep your bag u knowww? " damn. in army, u really meet funny people. especially people who suddenly smiles and march for no fucking reason.

on a happier note, BMT is almost over. everything is about PT PT PT and PT. kinda tiring, but i manage to lose alot of weight. LOL. unbelievable huh.

just this once,
just for now
and just like that..

2010-03-14T03:04:00.000-07:00

had much fun today, went for service for the first time, ok actually, the second time.

shopping, having lunch at pizza hut. but it rained quite badly i guess. okay. not much to update, but yeah. BOOK IN SOON.

good day! (:

2010-03-13T16:42:00.000-08:00

bmt is almost over,

field camp
sit test
range
IPPT

everything is moreorless done, whats left are,

handgrenade,
SOC

and in 4 weeks time, POP!

time passes really quick, and in a moment, 5 weeks is gone. whoo.

well, i guess we all have to apologize to mr wong for the overboard flaming, but i am glad he didnt flare up and just didnt say anything.

2010-03-07T02:54:00.000-08:00

why do i feel so sucky when i am goin to book in this weke? LOL. must be the fun i had this 3 days tat i felt i had not enough of it. gosh. next week, sit test + route march. im so gonna die. ^@^!#^# die die die. positive yeemin, positive. cmon.

in 1 hour time, goodbye civilisation. hello army.

congrats on houlle roulle on getting 1st runners up for touch!!!!
and also, congrats on ronde monde on getting 1st too (:

ang, dont die of abrasions. that shows how hard u played today
jolyn, dont die of aches on your hip, that shows how hard u ran today
wini, PLEASE SHOWER.
judith, burden lee just became powerfake lee
jamie, allrounder
cat, i dont know what to say, but u ran like a ferrari. lol
kaisi, wad kinda sidesteps are those?

oh no. i am going to book in soon =/

2010-03-05T13:07:00.001-08:00

been a long week since field camp, my results was kinda good, but i expected better, but nevertheless, i tried my best and i have no regrets.

gp E
econs E
maths A
chem B
phy B

kinda ironic when my best sub, chem isnt my best subject afterall, and my weakest subject, maths is actually, my best one. taking my results the second time, i didnt feel nervous, or anxious, i know roughly how well i have done after doing the paper,walking out after the paper during 2008, i knew, i would fail. but walking out during 2009 was a different one, i knew i could at least get a b.

frankly speaking, i always wonder, why do they care so much in academic areas? what happens to those who didnt make it?? what would they do then? get low paid jobs? inability to enter any uni? thats just what i am hearing. people breaking down, crying. people giving up. people getting anxious on what would they have to do now, and i wonder, back then, i didnt cry, i didnt break down. but i was disappointed, disappointed in myself for not having the discipline in facing this obstacle, facing it again was a tough decision, even though ms kim just snatched my paper and handed it in for me in just a split second. well, i am glad with my results now, but i am upset that some of my closest friends didnt do quite well. i dont really know how to console or offer comforting words, but life isnt all about your results, good grades doesnt equate to good pay, it doesnt equate to good jobs too, it is subjective to your personal preferences and your interests. so dont give up, think about your passion, be it teaching, helping as a social worker, being a nurse etc. all you need to know is, u can and u will reach your desired work life, its how determined u are in what u want.

on a lighter note, i had fun today, eating dallas and doing stupid things seems enjoyable. lol. tell me about it.

2010-02-27T02:03:00.001-08:00

freaking tired. muscle aches after i took a short nap at home. so dead for field camp tmr, plus my ankle injury, die.8km. wts. kill me pls. $£!%!$^%£

goodbye world. hello tekong.

2010-02-20T23:33:00.000-08:00

Had I the heavens embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light of dawn,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths of dust.
I would spread the cloths under your feet
But I, being poor, have only my dreams
I have spread my dreams under your feet
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

2010-02-20T22:25:00.000-08:00

i realised, booking out seems so normal now, although i am really glad i am back to my bed, sleeping till anytime i want, but army isnt that bad afterall.

my favourite part of army is concealment, and rifle handling, although u needa keep it close to u, losing it = confinement etc. hiding yourself within 5metres without getting detected was a thrill u will enjoy. lol.

gonna book in soon, 2115, well, someones number ends with those 4 numbers.LOL. was my race number during sports swift too.

theres so much things to say, but its left unspoken. rah

your eyes, I'm over it
your smile, I'm over it

2010-02-15T19:28:00.000-08:00

okay. last post before i book in. whoaaaaaaaaaa. been a long 4 days break, i doubt thre will be anymore book out sessions for me in the next coming week due to retraining or whatever faults my commanders can find. but i dont blame them, its expected. army aint for leisure.

been having weird dreams lately, 3 weird ones. and i wonder why.

ahh. not much to say, gonna enjoy my last few hours in the civilized world before heading to my love, tekong.

2010-02-13T12:03:00.000-08:00

so after playing mahjong with my bro friends. gosh, i lost about, 34 dollars. and suddenly, i won. BIG SHIT.

i dun really know how they counted, but apparently, i won about 23 dollars from that. LOL.

13 yao do before,
da san yuan do before.

wads leftt.... da si xi.. whoooooooo. ok. off to bed. tired. 2 more days to book in =/

2010-02-12T23:07:00.000-08:00

well, first post as a recruit,

been afew days in camp, everything is fun, everything is ok. the only things that were on my mind were, why is this place so sian? although the marching,footdrills and physical lessons were kinda tiring, everything seems fine. its just, too monotonous, but all in all. its good.

i miss the company outside, the friends, family and esp those few people who i msged or msged me during camp. but maybe i have to face the facts, i cant run away from this, lol. whoooooooooo. so much for looking forward to army.

ankle busted, but i still wanna try out pes A towards OCS. i hope all goes well.

on a happier note, things are looking fine
seems weird that last year went by so fast. being played isnt something nice, but well, thats a lesson to be learnt. sometimes, u should look at things in every aspect rather den be blinded with your feelings. and towards the end, u will realize how dumb u were, that u have just threw away your face, reputation , time and many more.

mixing with the right company does play a part to why i miss the outside world. lol. dont really know how to explain doh.

SIAN. 3 more days to book in. Q"$%%^*^%*£&(*&$(W$^£&$^(&%"

aim for this year:

IPPT GOLD
OCS
AIRFORCE
FITMIN.

LOL

2010-02-03T11:48:00.000-08:00

well, the last post as a civilian!

damn. the day went quickly, had mahjong before heading to school for rugby training. tired as shit, i hope tmr wouldnt be tat bad. getting laughed at a botak head is ok, its normal. but i brought a beanie along (:

headed to town to do some shopping with yx, wow. girls stuffs are actually quite cheap with vast variety. gosh.

lastly, marine barrage, IS SUPER INCONVENIENT. esp during the evenings,

bus = fail
chartered pick up = fail ( dusty with so much shit into your eyes)
taxi = fail. no1 stops.

but well, a nice place to relax, to release all the stress in life and enjoy the slow pace of the scenery, stars and the drifting clouds. time passes damn fast when we enjoy it. and before long, it was 11.

SUPPPER WITH PANG AND CHARLENE at alif. whoooooooo. ok. im tired. but........

i had the most enjoyable day today (:

thank you

deyan, for staying over despite your SEVERE lack of slp, and for lying to your mum.

WS, for being an ass.

jia min, <3 dun die at germany man. if not, cannot bai nian for 5 years. hahaa. seee u soon cous!

OH LEEN, for winning my money even when i am enlisting tsk

ba long long, for coming down to my place even with such a short notice, and for taking the train till yew tee. (guilty)

yong xin, for talking things out, listening, tolerating and most of all, being udnerstanding (:

jie en, stop whining laaaa. LOL. okok. sorry boss. go heal your ankle. i NEVER laugh at u. ok fine. actually i did. but it was funny wadddd... no? whoops

pang wei jian. for driving down all the way to fetch me at bb mrt.

charlene, for taking precious time off to meet up AFTER SO LONG. lol.

hanif, for being malay

good times seems to pass real quick, while bad times seems to stay real long. damn. those emo days ( used to ) were like years, while these few days, are like seconds.

2010-02-01T08:57:00.000-08:00

MARINE BARRAGE! a super nice place to be, esp with friends, picnic was good, company was good, touch and frisbie( or however u call that ) good, except i threw it down and had to get it back, had a really fun day. VERY FUN. time pass so quickly before we headed to pasta mania. holly shit with the sunburns, pictures uploaded on facebook, apparently it broke down while i tagged every1. wts. i was at photo 130 when i realised whoever i tagged isnt appearing=.= zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Circle

the sky above,
with eccentric blue,
filled with crimson white clouds that drift by,
staring at it as the soothing sunlight
shone down
as if grinning to me.
bringing joy and ease,
relaxation in mind.
looking around,
the company's good,
the fun,
joy
laughter.
even when we are all drenched with sweat.
ahh.
the cooling breeze,
filled with the scent of greeneries.
the vast view of sceneries,
away from modernization
just by the calming lake,
starring afar,
the ships, birds and the ripples of salty water.
the horizon
so vast and beautiful

and so does my aims,
my goals
that have yet to be attained.

looking back,
hearing the laughter,
the screams
the heavy breathing
the soft thuds running about.
closing my eyes
i sat peacefully for a moment.
before standing up.
"here we go again"
picking up Attack,
we began the game called Touch.

2010-01-30T13:02:00.000-08:00

alright folks. long time since i actually blogged huh. maybe its because , i dont have the mood to do so. haha. been a rough time for me. esp during the transitions between dec to jan. or perhaps, to my bros, its since ard august till now. haha. well, i guess i am getting better. although occasionally, i still think and do stupid stuffs. haha. FREAK THAT.

okay back to the point. been awhile since i was happy once again, well, be it a smile, companionship, friends, family and many more. but then again, reality hit me right there in my face, army in 4 days. and i cant seem to understand why i am dreading it when i used to look forward to it. perhaps, its because of my friends, and the fun times i had recently that i realised, SHIT. this aint enough. before my freedom is taken away in 4 days time by ns. but still, being optimistic, i am looking forward to get into the airforce, be it a learning experience or a job. it something i look forward to, the thrill of flight.

i remember my first flight on the piper, going around singapore above looks different from the cockpit than the side windows u normally look out to from the plane. although it was stressful, memorizing all the checks ( about afew pages long) EVEN before u start the engine, not to forget the handsignals, RT calls and the checks during flight. but the view, the thrill and the view above, is spectacular. the little houses, the horizon, and being able to see singapore as a whole ( since every 10 mins or so we have to turn back due to how small sg is ) but no matter how i strife for that PPL, i OOC-ed during my syfc course, well, this will be my second chance. the third will be in flight school, ( which i hope i wouldnt have to go there since its kinda costly. ) wish me all the best for army i hope

this few weeks have been a joy, no more emo nights, no more unhappy thoughts, no more regrets, no more tears, and no more heavy chests while i lay at night. however, what i brood over these few months, was, after all i have done, say, sacrificed, all i get was a negative impression to your peers. well, thats life. and its quite ironic, take an instance, a teacher helping a student, no matter how a teacher tries to help, it may actually backfire into the student detesting work, and even the teacher itself. likewise, in love, no matter how much u try to please, work and strife for the other's happiness, it may not be what u hoped for. so its best, if u know how, and when to let go. before u fall deeper into that bucket of shit.so please, start looking for your OWN happiness rather den trying to fulfill someone else's.

speaking of shit, i realised how crappy the new system works in school, senior batches arent allowed back to school UNLESS there is teacher's permission. if not. NO ENTRY. and the best part is, once u graduate, things like , the field, are out of bounds, meaning, u cant book, u cant even step in the school. damn. i always wonder, once we graduate, are we just strangers? after achieving something for the school, thehy just abandon us and turn their backs? ( well i am just saying ) so why the strict system? is there no meritocracy in our contribution? be it our results ( ok that isnt a contribution at all. haha) or our sports? damn this shit.

lets see, what have i done recently,

crashing jj admin day
training up from my flabby-self
money wasting ttm.
staying up late watching lame videos on youtube.
got my new specs.

i think army would be a better choice rather den wasting myself doing this stuffs all day.

thinking back, its 3 YEARS! wait, 4! i remembered calling amanda via hanif to learn how to come jj during my j1 years, and finally finding out that shes a girl when i met her at the bus stop outside bb mrt. embarassing, but well, at least i made it to school. running, table tennis, rugby, bla bla bla. and now, im off to army. and soon uni, and then, work. i realised how much fun there was in schooling days, psch, sec sch, jc. those were the years i felt fun, going sch late, fighting/quarreling with teachers/friends, getting into deep shit, getting caned. damn. those were the times. well, enough ranting, signing off.

thank you,
wongapong,
deyan,
nerrine,
yongxin.
(:

for listening, talking, and for being there.

and to you,

jie en.

16 alr, start looking at things at a bigger perspective, look behind your world, instead of always thinking about i, look around , there are people worse den you.stress is never easy, but it isnt the time to give up, its your year to study hard and do your best. and thank you, for your help in making the cards, and also your funny ways of talking me out on things in a manner where i least expect anyone would do. o levels. jia you!

2010-01-17T09:16:00.000-08:00

thanks, to my bros, and friends who are there for me. appreciate it.

had a walk at henderson waves, mt faber, etc etc. jungle trail, earth trail, etc. 4 hours of taking pictures with my brother's DSR and talking, catching up. before heading to cityhall. thanks (: appreciate the talk, and also the advice. lol.

and i realised, the best yogurt ice cream, is sold at city hall basement. u guys should try it. its called, yogoru or something. 3.80, but the amount they give is huge.

went down for supper with chuan and wong, DURIAN FTW. plus my cous and J.E.

well, going indo in a few days time. i hope i learn some new stuffs there!

imagine this,

8 guys in teh car,
5 at the back,
3 in the front ( including driver)

driving happily across a steep turn..............

and drove head on towards a police roadblock..........

LIFE.

but well, we managed to duck down,and drove away as if we are safe drivers.

that was the only time, i felt fear, not of the police.

but of what my dad would do.. WHEW

any1 wanna buy 4D? 7130.

2010-01-13T10:58:00.001-08:00

haven been blogging, been busy with baking and alot of stuffs. whooo! well, happy bday to woonshin today. i found his private blog afew days back. here it is!

http://thebulgingmusclesofwong.blogspot.com

well. enjoy. (:

2010-01-11T09:32:00.001-08:00

XINGLU IS THE BEST. HES THE MAN. THE BAWSS. HE SPIZZZZZZZZESSS MY LIFE SOO DEEPLY.

2010-01-11T07:44:00.001-08:00

the day went well, mundane as usual. tmr would be a better day.....

when u fall in love with someone, anything is worth doing. even if it meant leaving, just to keep her smile everlasting.

happy bday.

2010-01-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

ringgg ringg...

thank you for calling M1 service, for english press 1.

*BEEP*

for i phone enquiries. press 3

*BEEP*

to speak to our customer officer. press 0

*BEEP*

heheheheheheheheheh.

ring ring.

ws: hello good afternoon, how may i help u?
me: err. hi, how may i address u?
ws: u can call me mr wong.
me: oh okay. i would like to buy ........

well, the rest of the details, hmmmm. u can ask mr wong himself. PAWWNNEDDOWNNNNEDDINNNTHEFAISEEE.

hahaha. well, sometimes, when uve got nothing better to do at home, all u have to do, is pick up your phone. and start prank calling.

the day passed real quick, started by finding a baking shop, which apparently, my neighbourhood fails to provide. and began baking some stuffs i just learnt.

here are some of the pictures (:

bread pudding!

ok i think it taste ncie, but it doesnt look too nice? LOL

apple dunnowadshit. LOL.

gravy, still solid...

slowly...

wala!

BEFORE

AFTER

ok . i failed 1 attempt. look at the difference. wts. just a slight change. and wala. LOL. okay. im too bored at home. baking kills time, and its quite fun, esp when u get to eat good food.LOL. self satisfaction!

still kinda upset.. i wonder why..

2010-01-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

well, had a family outign today. whoa. seriously tired. and bloated. ate steamboat at crystal jade. ate a lil only, didnt really like the food. durians durians durians. and i got a new gps! wont be lost ANYMORE BROS. HAHAHAHA. i hope so =/

sometimes, love makes u so blind, u fail to see whats in front of you until its too late...

2010-01-08T06:41:00.000-08:00

wooo. look at that. big banana huh? looks fake right? NOOOOOOOOO. its 1 of the bananas that grew out from my garden. LOL. huge huh. the whole tree had only 10! lol.
cooked goreng pisang with it, tasted GREAT.

well, when u really have nothing to do. all u can do is, bake? LOL. nice nice.

2010-01-06T08:57:00.001-08:00

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as she turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go

2010-01-05T07:33:00.000-08:00

mahjong session today. gosh. slaughtered by kin onn.

kin onn = +31.50
yee min = +6.90
feeder ang = -21
judith = - dunno how much la. u do the math.

but well, out of goodwill, i didnt collect the cash, and to much reluctance, kin onn too. haha. had a good day.

i hope the many problems that existed are solved, not naming anyone, but i hope the misunderstandings are cleared, and everything is better for you guys. circle remains and will always help each other in need.

fuck myself for being so blind.

2010-01-02T14:10:00.000-08:00

well, just got home. went to west coast park to sit down and talk to deyan and woonshin. memories came back when we used to sit there. haha. remember the times? the crab catching, sitting along the coastal area. haha.

well. fond memories.. i met bei ni at mac, said hi before heading towards the coast.

i felt thankful, for the last month of 2009. changed me quite drastically. mature or not, i dont know. but i know it myself. i have thanked that person who helped me thus far, appreciate it.

talked for quite abit, before heading home. wad a day indeed.

ACHIEVEMENT TODAY. I WASNT LOST EVEN WITHOUT THE GPS. COOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. my instincts are good. damn..

2010-01-02T02:45:00.001-08:00

as the cloud of love drifts by,
the bright sunlight from above
engulfed that fluffy scent of happiness, in crimson orange.

what a lovely sight it was,
what a joyful memory it holds.

as time creeps in,
the cloud start to blur with misunderstandings,
soon, it became a dark mass of grey,
filled with heavy thoughts,
unhappiness,
grief
and hurt.

even with the bright sunlight shining from heavens above,
backfiring, it amplified the darkness
with shadows onto the ground,

signaling them,
warning them,
about the storm ahead.

not long after,

droplets of tears,
start pouring down.

as it rain,

like never before.

bright raincoats,
with plastic umbrellas.
covered the streets, unable to to overwhelm the darkness from above.

suddenly,

the sound of raindrops disappeared,
the wet floor glowed with reflections of the sun.

looking above,
the ever beautiful rainbow stood still,
like pillars, withstanding the downpour.

smiling,

i said to myself.

i have weathered this storm

2010-01-01T10:46:00.000-08:00

this time. this one time.

for once.

i will let my brain.

overrule my heart desires.

2010-01-01T07:33:00.000-08:00

today went well, wad can i say, a new year, a new beginning? hahaha

i am over brooding over the past,to be honest, i will be affected by it. but all in all, i have decided to tell myself, its over. 2009 that is.

the day went well, woke up early, and went to somerset for some shopping!!! ((: in the end, it was kinda like, a window shopping? but well, it was something i really enjoyed. hahaa.

shuddup woonshin, i know what u are going to say.

headed to marina square for seoul garden, pictures will be posted by angela, all in all, happy bday yan ge. hope u had fun.

no more.

2009-12-31T03:59:00.000-08:00

the 31st dec wasnt something i expected.

had some fun in the afternoon, even though it pains inside as the arguments from before strike at the right spot,

drifting my mind, and away from the unhappy thoughts, i did little to quench that hunger of being happy. am i? truly? happy?

before heading home, i made afew decisions, sorry to my dear friends, a group celebrating at sentosa right now, while the other, about to head down to double O for a nightout..i dont see a point in celebrating the new year when one's mood is low. heading home, sitting down with my parents while they watch tv, and while i engross myself in the other world, fantasy. thanks to one of the members of B.B.B.B, deyan, hes book diverted my attention from harsh reality.

looking back, this year was pleasant to begin with, rugby, a renewed friendship that was lost a year ago, courtship, a levels, and many more. but as the year ended, many things came into view, that the year wasnt that good afterall.

1) we lost the plate finals once again, a hard fact that seems to be a huge lump at my throat, refusing to go down each time i thought of it. when i could have prevented that lost.

2) drifting away from AMG, bros whom i missed, their laughter, their constant teasing and most of all, people whom would stand by you in times of need.

3) and lastly, losing you. the times we had, i must say,were one of the best i had. even though i have to admit, sometimes, things dont normally go your way, nor the way you feel. bending a twig against its will would only cause hurt, anger and last of all, requires huge amount of effort just to maintain sheer neutrality.

looking back, even with all these mishaps, i enjoyed every moment to it. for who would treasure the good times, when there isnt any bad ones? fond memories there and then. looking ahead, 2010 would and should be a better year.

well, as time creeps towards 2010. i bid everyone of u out there. a happy new year.

wanting you happy is more important than wanting you.
it always will be.

2009-12-29T08:49:00.000-08:00

made pineapple tarts yday, thanks to those who came over and help till the wee hours in the morning =.= appreciate it.

anyways, went out with ss today, 2 more days before going US. sad anot? lol. okay, first, laksa, den curry chicken, den little india milk candy and ended with island cremery ice cream! hell lot of food i ate before heading to wong house for a swim to lose all those excess fats. swam 20 laps, tiring, but worthwhile.

so much for the farts wong, farting directly on me.. yucks. fartwong. damn.

disappointments, again and again...

2009-12-26T10:57:00.001-08:00

well, xmas went well for me

boxing day.

played against junyuan alumni. cobra!

well, no pictures, even with both ankles down, i tried my best to play, but it wasnt a good one doh. all i could do was pressure, i couldnt tackle or crash hard due to the impact on both ankles. damn. let in 2 tries which i knew i could have stopped because i couldnt change direction with my busted injuries. was feeling kinda disappointed, but well, thats life. live with it.

we lost, 17 - 3? haha

head towards pang house for BBQ, what can i say, my clique in sec sch, old friends i should say, 11 years friend, chin whee? and many others. been a long time since i met them. rockband with the full set at pang house, drinking games, and now, i am just sitting down, blogging. haha.

well, afew bad events happened to my friends recently, some private,personal, while others are just minor "life" issues. well, what can i say? when u lose it, den u will learn to treasure it.

well, a good celebration. but a bad session.

-appreciated? unappreciated?

end of year, end of everything.is it possible?

2009-12-25T04:18:00.000-08:00

xmas this year wasnt that spectacular...

the last min dinner booking was a disaster,in the end, it was steamboat at my place with circle. haha. well, simple, sweet.

used the whole morning-afternoon-night to make some stuffs, special thanks to jie en, LOL. i think my book would have looked like shit without your handwriting and comments =.= thanks. ego demoralizer. but still, i think it was great when i got the cards binded into a book. looks nice!haha. wierd. okay.

circle,

angela
poixin
ba long long

your xmas cards still with me.LOL.

in the end, played mahjong till dawn before sending every1 home/ work. damn. i cant believe i spend xmas at home sleeping. call me a loser. haha. okay. i am off to read some books.

this year's xmas isnt good, those who talked about it last night, will understand why. hahah. funny shits.

-why am i tearing on the way back from the drive?

2009-12-23T10:22:00.000-08:00

apparently, this year passed on fairly fast, and fairly well.

Pros:

1) get to play rugby again
2) get to retake a levels? fk. that should be at the cons
3) meet new friends
4) enlightened? haha

lastly, 27/06/09. the day we finally meet up again? haha. another cycle once again.

cons:

1) i ORD 1 year later den nevin and company. fuck that.
2) i got another injured ankle
3) im just not good enough for her.

well, the end of year is coming, a new year, a new beginning. haha.

lets see, what have i done during this holidays??

NOTHINGGGGG.

congrats...

theres just so much in between that i cannot comprehend...

2009-12-20T12:13:00.000-08:00

well, practically watched all the movies so far, except avatar. lol. watch with circle ?

theres so much things to say in my mind, yet so few words that can express it from what i see through my eyes, and through how i feel.

first and foremost,

helping someone isnt an easy job, and sometimes, it backfires.

second,

putting in all your effort to the person u really like, is something u shouldnt do.experienced it first hand. because, because, and because..

lastly,

im tired.

haha. goodnight.

2009-12-14T23:52:00.000-08:00

well, i had a weird dream today, i dreamt i was driving, ended up in a house, where theres plenty of ghosts in it. creepy huh, i was with afew people, and each time we wore special glasses, we could see where the ghosts were in the building. and sad to say, we couldnt leave it. as we walk ard, trying our best not to look up, each time a ghost touch/ grab us, there was a jolt of electricity running through your body. and finally, we sat on a table, the place was gloomy, with only a lamp shining over, we began praying from the bible, only to get screams and laughter from the ghosts, apparently, one of them, holding a red tag of number 6, rushed towards us, grabbing and tearing the bible. and stated we have broken the rule,

thats all i can remember. i woke up with the feeling of hapiness that it aint true. LOL.

believe none of what u have heard, for they are always not true,
believe half of what u have seen, for it may not be the truth at whole.

2009-12-10T09:44:00.000-08:00

if things arent the way before, would u try your best to get it back?

even when its kinda screwed up? or even when its sometimes, your fault it went bad,

do you think u deserve a second chance?

do you believe that you can get it back?

hmmmm. maybe, in a drama series. but in reality,

fat hope?

tired. nights

2009-12-10T09:31:00.000-08:00

been to a church camp recently, came home halfway because there is a match tmr. well, i have learn plenty of things there, even when i was the only non- christians there. the speaker at the camp was good, he could relate almost everything, and with his complex english, everything seems normal. but he was crafty, he is able to manipulate other religions, and search the loopholes in them, but did he did it on his own religion? i suppose.

i realised, in this world, there is no definite right or wrong. there are always blind spots, or should i say, gray areas. we debated today on if white lies are okay? ask yourself this, is it really ok? what i personally feel, is that, im am not saying white lies arent bad, but rather, they are not always deemed negatively. to say lying is on the whole bad, is a little to naive, and to say lying is on the whole good, is alittle too absolute. haha. and what is it to be man? and why does it matter? there are so many questions left unanswered, pondered upon them for quite awhile, but i dont seem to see any clear picture.

well, the speaker gave this creed to us, and i felt it was meaningful. enjoy (:

Creed
by Steve Turner

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin

We believe everything is OK

as long as you don't hurt anyone

to the best of your definition of hurt,

and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during, and

after marriage.

We believe in the therapy of sin.

We believe that adultery is fun.

We believe that sodomy's OK.

We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better

despite evidence to the contrary.

The evidence must be investigated

And you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes

UFO's and bent spoons.

Jesus was a good man just like Buddha,

Mohammed, and ourselves.

He was a good moral teacher though we think

His good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same-

at least the one that we read was.

They all believe in love and goodness.

They only differ on matters of creation,

sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes the Nothing

Because when you ask the dead what happens

they say nothing.

If death is not the end, if the dead have lied, then its

compulsory heaven for all

excepting perhaps

Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Kahn

We believe in Masters and Johnson

What's selected is average.

What's average is normal.

What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.

We believe there are direct links between warfare and

bloodshed.

Americans should beat their guns into tractors .

And the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.

It's only his behavior that lets him down.

This is the fault of society.

Society is the fault of conditions.

Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that

is right for him.

Reality will adapt accordingly.

The universe will readjust.

History will alter.

We believe that there is no absolute truth

excepting the truth

that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds,

And the flowering of individual thought.

If chance be

the Father of all flesh,

disaster is his rainbow in the sky

and when you hear

State of Emergency!

Sniper Kills Ten!

Troops on Rampage!

Whites go Looting!

Bomb Blasts School!

It is but the sound of man

worshipping his maker.

good stuff huh? hahah. update more tmr or something. gonna go to bed now.

OH I DIDNT UPDATE ABOUT PROM!

2009-12-08T04:00:00.001-08:00

rushing out of house, being late for prom was a major disaster, i hope no tickets were given for speeding and going thru a red light? LOL. whoops. well, thanks kennedy and ted for guiding me to the destination. i guess my navigation in singapore is screwed. esp with the epic fail GPS in the car.zzzz.

prom was good, took more pictures than last year, how ironic, when i repeated jj for another year, yet i have more friends than i have before. thanks guys, esp the CIRCLE. for making my day, winning your money in mahjong is so much better. hahaha.

went supperclub after prom, that was like, our last resort. but its a virgin experience over there. i didnt like going over, but since its prom, with a whole bunch of ppl. i guess, majority wins? haha. well, the guys were busy protecting the girls while they were on the dance floor, i realised afew things.

1) i cant get high with those music
2) its stupid to go to a club when u drove there( why? slap yourself in the faise.
its because u cant drink)

i enjoyed myself, but i think this will be the last time i head a club, would prefer a pub from now on. its expensive there, with lousy drinks. unless u are there to find some girls, i suggest you dont go over at all.

kennedy, POOR. epic fail with the rule card.
kin onn, edward cullen?

hahaha. well, i guess, this is 1 of the most memorable prom i had? haha. cheers.

2009-12-06T17:21:00.000-08:00

disastrous day yesterday. blamed myself for not training my runs. haha.

"this is it, 42km "

it started off well, i didnt chiong like i first did last year, my pace was good. only to reach 23km did my ankle gave way. damn. started semi walking-running but it sucks when u arent tired but u just couldnt run.

i saw afew interesting people yday.

1 with a qoute behind his shirt,

" i was booed for being last in the last race, now look whose behind me now" lol

and i saw a one legged man running 42km. damn. hes good.

the last 5km was the worst 5km i have ever walked.

something happened yday, i can like, throw my face alr. dun wanna mention it, but only afew knows what happened.LOL. FML.

i wonder how i am going prom today. yayyyy. gorilla ftw.